When AK members - friends - silently disappear

harman/kardon

From the Fatherland
Subscriber
When AK members become friends to us, what might happen quite often, and those long time members disappear after 2000 or 5000 or more posts apruptly I ask myself: What might have happened to that friend - after you got no answer on pm requests. Two of my friends disappeard this year, that makes me pensive.

On the other hand, I have to accept that. We do not know what might have occured in the life of member X and there are so many things that might have ended the forum activity - an accident, sudden poverty, illness, death. There might be of course also the one or other less dramatic reason. Anyway I ask myself "Where is he just now in this moment? Is he at least okay so far?" But I have to accept that I will get no answer. I think some of you made similar experiences. Do you?
 
People come and go on this forum. It happens - people get bored, get other priorities in life, etc. If they were RL friends, you should have their phone and address, shouldn't you?

RL friends are real friends I suppose? I think you are right concerning address, fortunately I have some from AK members. Phone makes not so much sense for me. Too expensive. I am not living in America.
 
I've left several forums when I no longer wished to be part of them.

Sometimes because I could not get along with one or more other members. I know that shocks some of you to hear :)

Sometimes because I recognized that the things being said were sufficiently distressing to me that they were causing me problems in my personal life; my problem, not anyone else's problem.

Once because I was actually being harassed at work by a fellow forum member who took it upon himself to track me from employer to employer and complain to management about the things I said online (yes, seriously, and I lost a job over it too).

I haven't been banned from a forum, but I don't doubt that it could happen in the future; I tend to be blunt and my humor doesn't always translate well online.

In any case, however, I don't like to do the "I'm taking my toys and going home and you'll be sorry when I'm gone" speech. I just leave. Likewise, when others leave, I don't spend a lot of time worrying about it if they're not also pals in meatspace. I just assume they have their reasons, and if they wanted me to know them, they'd tell me. Since they didn't, I figure that's the way they want it, and that's perfectly OK with me.

Sometimes I leave a forum for awhile to think about things, such as my own behavior, or my responses to certain things being said online and how it affects me. Maybe it's not healthy for me to be there; or maybe I need to modify my outlook in order to participate without it being unhealthy for me. If that happens, sometimes I get my stuff together and decide to come back. Sometimes I do not. In any case, it's never a case of stomping off in a huff. It's just time to move on.

I like it here, don't want to leave. I've made a lot of good friends here, including meatspace friends. I'd hate to leave that behind. If it happens, however, life goes on for everyone involved. Unless I kack it, in which case, my RL friends should please help Mrs Wiggy sort through my audio crap and toss the dross (which is most of it) and my shade will be most appreciative.
 
RL friends are real friends I suppose? I think you are right concerning address, fortunately I have some from AK members. Phone makes not so much sense for me. Too expensive. I am not living in America.

RL = Real Life. Also known as meatspace, non-virtual, ugly bags of mostly water, etc.
 
Thanks for the explanation Wigwam.

It is okay to leave a forum without a big "I'm taking my toys..." show, but I think it would be decent, if possible, to inform the closer members - virtual friends - about the reason. It would be simply appropriate against somebody one had a closer exchange for a long time.
 
Most of the folks that I knew well enough to call a friend that have left have done so with a bit of warning. If not articulated at least it has been apparent in their actions prior to leaving. They usually PM about life changes and so forth. Those who leave in anger or dismay usually exit in a more public manner. My interest here has it's highs and lows. There is always someone to talk to or guide me if I but take the time to let them know my feelings.
 
Once because I was actually being harassed at work by a fellow forum member who took it upon himself to track me from employer to employer and complain to management about the things I said online (yes, seriously, and I lost a job over it too).

Lemme guess. It involved politics, not audio.
 
Most of my friends are outside of AK. I would probably either leave a post, or drop someone a PM if I was going to leave.
 
Maybe I'm morbid, but this is something I've wondered about many times. I wonder about people dying, and us not even knowing about it.

When I first joined, I tended to do more specific searches than I do now, and as a result would often read threads that were years old. There were some very prolific posters that had been gone for some time and I didn't realize it until I became more savvy. At least one of these made a brief return after a lengthy hiatus and I felt like he was an old friend even though his most recent post before the hiatus was quite some time before I joined AK.

Another thing I've wondered about are banned members. There have been at least a couple that were such helpful and pleasant posters that I couldn't imagine what they did to get themselves banned. I guess you have to be right there to see it before it gets sanitized, because a search of their last couple of weeks of posting didn't turn up anything out of the ordinary.

Real life friends or not, there aren't any here that I wish would leave. Even the ones with whose opinion I almost always disagree make a positive contribution to my experience here.
 
stereofanboy, I too, have wondered about the banned members. I've seen longtime, wonderful posters end up banned, and thought..."hmmn"

What happened to Thor? Bully? Haven't heard from any of them in a bit...oh, and Yamaha B-2...I think that was his screen name (dude from NY I think, with all the juicy gear)
 
I have known of members to simply quit loading this site and other forums abruptly due to fears of viruses, etc.

There was a period of time when my netbook, which I must run Windows 7 on for various reasons beyond my control, caught a virus every single time I went to AK using Firefox. I switched to Chrome, disabled Java and all that other helper stuff, and the problem went away. I have not gone back to non-Chrome web-browsing. Certainly wasn't AK's fault, I believe it had to do with some of the advertisements. But the problem is resolved to the best of my knowledge; I have not had any issues in quite some time.
 
100 years from now every word found on the internet today will have been written by someone no longer here. Think about that. The interrnet wasnt in Deaths plans for us. Think of the milions of facebook accounts that will have all these happy update that no longer mean anything. And people looking back at ak will think " so what was the point of hoarding 200 stereo receivers".
 
Losing touch with people

I've moved a number of times. Sometimes only an hour away other times half way across the country. With each move I've lost friends. Sometimes I try to keep in touch, but before long communication comes to an end. I've gotten use to that. Same way with forum buddies.
I have no idea where my first wife is either. Which makes me a little paranoid.
 
100 years from now every word found on the internet today will have been written by someone no longer here. Think about that. The interrnet wasnt in Deaths plans for us. Think of the milions of facebook accounts that will have all these happy update that no longer mean anything. And people looking back at ak will think " so what was the point of hoarding 200 stereo receivers".

That's the damn truth!
But, you won't find me on FB now or a 100 years from now.
 
100 years from now every word found on the internet today will have been written by someone no longer here. Think about that. The interrnet wasnt in Deaths plans for us. Think of the milions of facebook accounts that will have all these happy update that no longer mean anything. And people looking back at ak will think " so what was the point of hoarding 200 stereo receivers".

Couple thoughts on those topics.

The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
 Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit,
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
 Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it.


-- Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam

Meaning, watch what you say. It is more permanent than you think. It's just more obvious nowadays.

"Here lies One whose Name was writ in Water."

-- Epitaph of John Keats

Meaning even if your words matter when you're alive, when you're gone, nothing matters at all, including what you had to say.

"Après moi, le déluge" (After me, the Flood)

-- Louis XV

Meaning after I am gone, not only will my words no longer matter, but I won't care about that fact.

Just one outlook on the idea of permanence. Sorry to get all philosophical there.
 
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