“Let’s Talk About What I Did Today...” - A Lament

wajobu

Boing Boom Tschak
For many years my wife and I read to our children, before bed-time. It was a nice time of the day--a time to unwind, a time of intimacy with the boys. First with one and then two as the years progressed.

We read many stories...the classic bed-time stories, from the early years like “Good Night Moon” or (my favorite) “The Runaway Bunny” and then in later years books like “Charlotte’s Web”. Stacks of different books. And in between there books like “Cars and Trucks and Things that Go” and a whole bunch of stories by Byron Barton with great illustrations of construction equipment.

One memorable series of books was by Else Homelund Minarik (sp?) about “Little Bear” and his adventures. We had a number of the books and some cassette tapes of the stories. They were nice little stories of Little Bear’s experiences in the world from “What Would Little Bear Wear” to tales of learning from his mistakes. Very sweet, light-hearted, but most important, relaxing for bedtime.

A later story in the series has a conversation between “Mother Bear” and “Little Bear” where he asks “Tell me about what I once did...”, basically...Mom, tell me of my adventures so I can learn about myself.

Gradually our elder son learned that he could prolong story time by asking for “...one more...” book, and we would usually oblige until we too would grow tired. In time, our son following the “...one more...” book would follow-up with, “Let’s talk about what I did today...”, which was his way of putting off bed, but it was a nice time to talk about what we did together during a given day. The events ranged from very little of anything at all to a memorable experience or a visit to someone or some place. It was a nice way to reflect on the events of the day and relax one another to sleep.

Now our children are in high school and they read to themselves and the irony is that during a time when you’d like to know what they are doing and thinking, in their teenage years, they are the least inclined to share “...what I did today...” Ever read the comic strip “Zits”?

My wife observed a while back that even though we do have good lines of communication open with our boys that a great deal of information could be gleaned by listening to conversations amongst themselves and with friends during car rides. Our boys and their friends essentially talk as if we aren’t in the car (like “the help”--ha!). Using this method (the-fly-on-the-wall-sleight-of-hand), it has helped us to keep in touch with some of the goings-on in their lives, and also helps us talk to them about “things” later on.

My father frequently accuses me of being a sentimental sap. So be it. I guess that I am just preparing myself for the day(s) when they are off to their futures.

Though I am enjoying (and sometimes not) the trials of their teenage years now, I do miss my “Little Bear”.
 
After reading, I could have wrote this myself. We still read several books daily to our youngest. And my oldest 3 are at that age where we do a lot of "fly on the wall" listening.

Here's from one sentimental sap to another. Cheers.

JD
 
Thanks for sharing your thoughts about your children. As our oldest (of three) goes into that transition year of 8th grade, I find myself sometimes missing the things we did together just a few short years ago. A small feeling of apprehension is beginning to settle in as he makes new friends and becomes less open with us. But I think that spending as much time with him as possible-sports, music, faith,- helps us all to keep an eye on each other.
 
I agree with JD, I could have written this as well. Now that our two boys are both off to college, one in his 4th year and the youngest just left a few weeks ago, it is a different place around here. Miss them terribly. What a treat it is to get the occasional email or phone call.

I have said this before, nothing in my life has given me more enjoyment than my kids. I have this feeling that twenty years ago someone said "I got something for you to do that will take about twenty years" and now we're done. I know we aren't but for the most part, they are on their own.

Now, home with my wife and no kids again after 20 years is a subject for a different thread.

Terry
 
Thanks guys...nice thoughts. Yeah, compared to some of you, guess we're in between at the moment.

Don't keep us in suspense Terry! :D
 
JDaniel said:
After reading, I could have wrote this myself. Here's from one sentimental sap to another. Cheers.

JD

Yup I can say that about myself. But I think you/we all did right about it. It does come back around when we can sit and enjoy conversations with our kids. Just sometimes I have no clue what they are talking about though.

Cheers,
Carl
 
I'm still at the "one more story..." phase with my daughter (she's 4). I do think about that ending once in a while, I know it's coming - but it is also a good ways off for me. It is my fervent prayer that we can keep those lines of communication open as she transitions into "teenagehood". Thanks for the fly-on-the-wall comments, it is encouraging. :thmbsp:
 
I spent the whole day playing with my boys :)

Got Nick's (my 3 year old) Power Wheels quad off the charger (slightly modified with a tractor battery for speed and longevity ;) ), and Joey's (who's 6) Yamaha PW50 dirtbike, and with me on the big Homelite tractor, chased each other around the yard for a while, then we played with the RC trucks that I'd built from parts and traded to get.

Lunchtime followed, we played some motocross videos on the computer off of Google, went back out and rode some more, made the kids a small ramp to jump, etc etc etc.....

Tomorrow we're going up to my parents' cabin and bringing the kids stuff and my beat up old Kawasaki so that we can tool around a little :)

Next weekend, the final camping weekend of the summer, and we bring the camper home and get it ready for a long nap.

I'll miss these days once they're gone, but I'm taking full advantage of them while they're here :)
 
wajobu said:
For many years my wife and I read to our children, before bed-time. It was a nice time of the day--a time to unwind, a time of intimacy with the boys. First with one and then two as the years progressed.

We read many stories...the classic bed-time stories, from the early years like “Good Night Moon” or (my favorite) “The Runaway Bunny” and then in later years books like “Charlotte’s Web”. Stacks of different books. And in between there books like “Cars and Trucks and Things that Go” and a whole bunch of stories by Byron Barton with great illustrations of construction equipment.

One memorable series of books was by Else Homelund Minarik (sp?) about “Little Bear” and his adventures. We had a number of the books and some cassette tapes of the stories. They were nice little stories of Little Bear’s experiences in the world from “What Would Little Bear Wear” to tales of learning from his mistakes. Very sweet, light-hearted, but most important, relaxing for bedtime.

A later story in the series has a conversation between “Mother Bear” and “Little Bear” where he asks “Tell me about what I once did...”, basically...Mom, tell me of my adventures so I can learn about myself.

Gradually our elder son learned that he could prolong story time by asking for “...one more...” book, and we would usually oblige until we too would grow tired. In time, our son following the “...one more...” book would follow-up with, “Let’s talk about what I did today...”, which was his way of putting off bed, but it was a nice time to talk about what we did together during a given day. The events ranged from very little of anything at all to a memorable experience or a visit to someone or some place. It was a nice way to reflect on the events of the day and relax one another to sleep.

Now our children are in high school and they read to themselves and the irony is that during a time when you’d like to know what they are doing and thinking, in their teenage years, they are the least inclined to share “...what I did today...” Ever read the comic strip “Zits”?

My wife observed a while back that even though we do have good lines of communication open with our boys that a great deal of information could be gleaned by listening to conversations amongst themselves and with friends during car rides. Our boys and their friends essentially talk as if we aren’t in the car (like “the help”--ha!). Using this method (the-fly-on-the-wall-sleight-of-hand), it has helped us to keep in touch with some of the goings-on in their lives, and also helps us talk to them about “things” later on.

My father frequently accuses me of being a sentimental sap. So be it. I guess that I am just preparing myself for the day(s) when they are off to their futures.

Though I am enjoying (and sometimes not) the trials of their teenage years now, I do miss my “Little Bear”.


That's where i'm at.

With both my kids in high school, now, I find myself doing exactly as you described.

I chalk it up to the natural progression of parenthood.
You gotta keep in tune by whatever means possible.
Even if it means being the proverbial "fly on the wall".
Though, it is a bummer, in and of itself, it's always refreshing to see them become adults and to notice how much of you is instilled in them.

I dig that part of it.
The kids mom always tells me "they are just like you" and i'm like "yeah, I know....how cool is that?"

They will never forget the "little bear" times.
Those are as precious as gold and diamonds in my book.
At least that's my belief.

Regards,
John
 
Kam,

Those summertime memories are hard to let go of and it is indeed sad when the summer ends...for me it still means (like in the summer vacation days of my early years) back to the "grind"...then it was school after 10 weeks off...now it means "back to work" after usually a week off (not nearly enough time off!). It's always tough for me to go back as I recall the many "Wonder(ful) Years" of summers in VT on Lake Champlain...fishing, sailing, waterskiing, mowing lawns, haying at a local farm, reading and all else with family and friends. Very, VERY fond memories.

Last weekend, to prolong the summer fling, we took off for the Adirondacks for the Labor Day Holiday with some friends and my wife's mom. We all had a GREAT time! Cool mornings (and a swim around an island near Saranac Lake in icy waters to "earn" one's camp breakfast--a morning tradition) and fairly sunny days. We went for a hike, I caught 2 northern pike [ :banana: ], we had camp fires and breathed fresh air. All of us were together, we had a great time and it couldn't have been better.

Alas, as always, Tuesday brought back-to-school and work...the realities of life.

...and John, I agree with your observations--thanks.
 
What an interesting thread to pop up this weekend. My 15 year old daughter went to a water polo tournament in Reno, NV this weekend, about 200 miles from here. Although they had chaperones lined up, the coach wanted a few more parents to go if possible. Since I'm a self-employed one-man-show, I closed the door and the wife and I drove up there Friday AM. Our daughter wasn't too thrilled at first, but later decided it would be "OK". She doesn't mind us being around usually, but she's at that age where she likes her independence. The other "biggie" that occurred is that this is the first time we have left our 17 year old son home alone overnigh. He's a good kid, and we have to let him know that we can trust him to make the right decisions. He'll be 18 next weekend.

Although our daughter at first wanted to go by herself (she's been to camps, etc. without one of us), she decided that it was OK if we tagged along. The 13 girls, five mothers, and the coach soon found out that I was there just for support, and soon started treating me like one of the team. They were a blast to be around. They played against teams that were obviously more experienced, but kept their chin up and ended up winning the last of four games. Saturday night I took the whole group out for pizza at the Circus Circus casino in Reno where we stayed. Most of them had never seen a casino before. We basically had a wing of the 24th floor to ourselves, and the girls were a hoot. The wife and I only stayed Friday night, and came home late yesterday. The girls stayed until today, so they could goof off a little.

But the three hour drive there and back gave me alot of time to think about things. From the days of tucking them in at night and reading stories, to leaving the oldest home alone and knowing the same will happen to the daughter in a few, really wakes you up. Both kids talk to us quite a bit, but also ignore us from time to time. Sometimes I wonder about what I'm "missing", but at the same time, I see so many children who have never been given the opportunity or trust to do something on their own, and I do not want to see my children that way.

The weekend went great, I had a blast with thirteen teenage girls (yes, there were boys there too) and our son didn't burn the house down while we were gone, so I'm proud of both of them. They grow up, ya know.....................................

Larry

PS I Almost had my second heart attack there Friday. I learned what is called a "Deck Change" There were over 300 teenage girls there, and even more teenage boys, one swimming pool, a small yard, but only one bathroom for each. They played 3 games each on Friday, so the girls would change out of their suits IN FRONT OF GOD AND EVERYBODY, including the boys, after each game. That's called a deck change. It's amazing how they have perfected ways of changing out of their suit and into different several layers of clothes without "flashing" anyone!
 
Just yesterday I was looking at books on one of our usual Thrift runs. It suddenly hit me that my daughter was getting too old for me to read to her anymore. She's 8, but has been reading since she was four and a bit before that even. Bright doesn't begin to describe her. I'm a bit biased here, but needless to say, she's way smarted than I'll ever be.
And then my heart sunk. I thought about all the times I said to my self, "oh, I'll read to her tomorrow night" or we'll play that game tomorrow. And never did. I have been working away a lot these days and time is flying faster than ever. I don't think I've read to her more than a handfull of times, her Mom does that. We are close and do things like listen to music, go for walks, try and sneak up on the frog pond before all the frogs jump in. We do our thing, but it always feels like I could do more. I tell ya, time sure flies.

This morning we just hung out in her bedroom as she was waking up and talked about Pokemon, Carebears, stereo gear, Ty Beanie Babies, and generally whatever came up. It was wonderful, but never lasts long enough. Now I'm off to take her to lunch and do a little shopping, later a bit of frog sneaking. Should be fun. :yes:
 
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