Bathroom Etiquette for all you polite AK'ers

Eilati

Active Member
Just a quick guide to toilet etiquette for those of you that are too couth.

18 Ways To Annoy Bathroom Friends:

1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your
neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"

2. "Uh-oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence
with a bodily function noise.

4. "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

5. "Damn, this water is cold."

6. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a
cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh
relaxingly.

7. "Now how did that get there?"

8. "Hummus. Reminds me of hummus."

9. Fill up a large flask with Mountian Dew. Squirt it
erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while
yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"

10. " Interesting... more sinkers than floaters."

11. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peaunt butter on a wad
of toliet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor.
Then say,"Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?"

12. "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!"

13. "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."

14. "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now
what am I gonna do?"

15. Play a well-known drum cadence over and over again on your
butt cheeks.

16. Before you unroll toliet paper, conspicuously lay down your
"Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visiable
to the adjacent stall.

17. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust
it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

18. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing
"Born Free."
 
One of the funniest things that ever happened to me in a public bathroom before was one day i walked in and was takin' a leak in the urinal when i heard. Ugghh Ahhh Ughh. from one of the stalls. omg i just started laughing. it was like straining sound. anyway it was pretty funny.
 
Originally posted by Haoleb
One of the funniest things that ever happened to me in a public bathroom before was one day i walked in and was takin' a leak in the urinal when i heard. Ugghh Ahhh Ughh. from one of the stalls. omg i just started laughing. it was like straining sound. anyway it was pretty funny.

Good garsh! I don't know how many times I've almost cracked up while sitting on the crapper listening to the sounds of others!

If I should happen to be in a stall while a friend of mine is also in there then I'll make all sorts of obscene noises to get him to crack up. SICK SICK SICK I love it!

Anthony
 
When I was stationed over in Korea, whenever I was pissing next to on obvious new guy, I'd smack the wall and say something like "Oh my god, this burns. I'm gonna kill that bitch".
 
Just when you thought it was safe to

Besides spending all of it on audio gear, here are a few thoughts on what to do if you win the Lottery:

10. A twinkie for everyone in the country.

9. Develop and market an action-figure doll of yourself.

8. Get yourself one a' them "Pentagon quality" toilet bowls.

7. Buy the biggest trailer in West Virginia, and then put a
new BMW on blocks in the front yard.

6. Pay for a top-notch therapist to deal with the feeling that,
compared to Bill Gates, you're still not rich.

5. At long last: a home-slurpee machine of your VERY OWN!

4. Four words: Prank call to Antarctica.

3. Goodbye aluminum siding: Hello golden siding.

2. Get it all in pennies and ride the horse in front of K-mart,
FOREVER!

1. Donate it to a college. Then they can name a building after
you: "Lucky Bastard Hall"
 
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