Natasha Bell
Super Member
Wow! You really took an honest look at yourself. I often wonder if my x-wife has done the same. Probably not. Kudos to you. It takes a big person to admit his/her part in a break up. Glad you have a happy marriage now.
First time I read a woman writing a honest assessment. This should be required reading to all girls in high school Home Make class.
It took me a good bit of time to be able to do that. In fact, I ended up seeing a therapist for a bit too. It was only after I went to see the therapist, things became a lot more clear. He told me that I had to first examine my behavior, before I could examine his (my Ex). Once I did that, honestly, I drew some pretty sobering conclusions. I had really acted poorly. In fact, I was treating this man not as an "adult", but more of a child. That, in fact, I was treating him very poorly. It was only then, that I could move on. In fact, a former girlfriend of mine and I had a falling-out about this. She always blames men for everything (as I did too in the past, and think probably most women do even if secretly). I couldn't take the negativity any further. I woke up one morning, quite literally, and it was like this weight was lifted, and I realized what I was doing, and how it was affecting my relationships. I think if this wouldn't have occurred, I think I would have went from one failed relationship to another.
Something my therapist said, which I have come to embrace: Much of the reason for rocky relationships in our society is the differences in socialization between males and female. Boys are generally held to much stricter standards, whereas girls are placed on pedestals and called "princess" when they deserved a spanking.
Natasha,
From other posts I've read from you you seem like a reasonable person. Our truly admire what you wrote here. As I'm sure there are many divorced people here (everywhere else for that matter) and people on #2 and in some cases #3 marriages, few can even remotely objectively look back and see their own faults (even with 20-20 hindsight).
More so many have character flaws ( both men and women ) and in many cases mental health issues (undiagnosed aside from their exes saying they're crazy).
It is an interesting world and people are quirky. There are also relationships that would work fine in a vacuum, that is to say if family (parents, children) friends didn't figure into the mix they'd be great.
Unfortunately, none of us live in a vacuum. When the infatuation wears off you really have to like the other person and they really have to like you. Selfish, impatient , insensitive (when it comes to others), people, will never find happiness and won't let their partners find it.
(Holy crap, did I write all that?!)
This is like a form of group therapy
I do try to be not only reasonable, but thoughtful as well. Thank you for the nice compliment. It is unfortunate that human nature contains selfishness, impatient behaviors, and especially insensitivity. I believe that most people try to avoid these traits, but they are difficult to even detect at times. I so agree that many times "infatuation" is mistaken for love.
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