Finally! How to interpret auction site lingo! (warning: humor/parody/not real)

Discussion in 'General Audio Discussion' started by birchoak, Jun 12, 2018.

  1. birchoak

    birchoak Hi-Fi Nut Subscriber

    Messages:
    683
    Location:
    Amesbury, MA
    Perhaps you're new to this online auction phenomenon and can't get past the fancy words. Maybe you thought you read a listing properly but were oh so disappointed when instead of getting a minty 9090DB you won a melon baller. Here are some common auction site phrases and their actual meanings:

    "Works fine." means I have no idea if it works. I found it in a dumpster behind a slaughter house.

    "Incredible sound." means I turned it on and it lit up. Then, I turned it off.

    "Some nicks and scratches, which are to be expected from a unit of this vintage." means The receiver was involved in a shoot-out, then dropped from a 40-story building, then submerged in a pond for several years before I hooked it with my fishing rod.

    "Some static/noise when using the volume thingy; not sure but probably something simple." means I have stripped every single piece of this amplifier down to the last screw, then put it back on again in a fruitless effort to fix the scratchy volume potentiometer. I have sprayed, no kidding, about one gallon of DeOxit into the volume pot and it is literally unfixable; please buy this before I stab myself in the leg with a #2 Phillips screwdriver.

    "Has worked perfectly for twenty years." means Has sat in a spider-infested root cellar with 82% humidity for twenty years.

    "Clean." means You should have seen this before I cleaned it. I am selling this in the vain hope of recouping some of the money I spent on Windex, Simple Green, acetone, lacquer thinner, isopropyl alcohol, and oven cleaner. I am referring only to the outside of the receiver BTW; if fifty, chain-smoking long-haired feral cats used this as a litter box for sixteen years it wouldn't come close to what you're going to see when you pull the cover off.

    "One owner." means One owner, who eventually went insane, stripped naked, and jumped into a public fountain clutching this amp.

    "Rare!" means Can be found anywhere, even a feed store.

    "Will be packed carefully." means You might want to be sitting down when you open the shoebox I shipped your dual mono tube blocks in.

    Please add to the phrase book as you see fit!
     
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  2. bimasta

    bimasta Super Member

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    Warning: humor/parody/not real

    I don't understand the warning. It's totally real.

     
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  3. Big Harry

    Big Harry Active Member

    Messages:
    221
    Location:
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    I agree 100%. I've seen some real trash being auctioned on EBAY that has a description of being almost new in the box. When dealing with on line auction sites it's caveat emptor, let the buyer beware. It's unfortunate that the uninformed get burned regularly by less than honest sellers.
     
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  4. Speedbump71

    Speedbump71 Buried in speakers Subscriber

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  5. OldPolishGuy

    OldPolishGuy AK Subscriber Subscriber

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    Location:
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    I do agree. I'll paraphrase one that always gets me: 'vintage/rare, not many of these out there'. Of course not. The thing's a piece of junk that no one in their right mind would've bought when the thing was new, except you. OPG.
     
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  6. birchoak

    birchoak Hi-Fi Nut Subscriber

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  7. Speedbump71

    Speedbump71 Buried in speakers Subscriber

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    Crappy design plus limited production = fight over the working ones. I have a set going bad just sitting in storage.
     
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  8. grillebilly

    grillebilly Empty Head Subscriber

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    "Mint" is the most overused and abused description.
     
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  9. birchoak

    birchoak Hi-Fi Nut Subscriber

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    Damn. Hence the feeding frenzy.
     
  10. birchoak

    birchoak Hi-Fi Nut Subscriber

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    In all kinds of auctions, except those for actual mints.
     
  11. bobschneider

    bobschneider AK Subscriber Subscriber

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    "Minty" = I dropped a couple of Altoids down the vent holes
     
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  12. autoanalog

    autoanalog Justin Credible Subscriber

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    "Tested, works" means, "I lifted it, and it was heavy. It works fine as a doorstop."
     
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  13. autoanalog

    autoanalog Justin Credible Subscriber

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    "Warm sound" means that myriad electrical issues ensure that the unit emits enough B.T.U.s to double as a griddle. Don't mind the grease, it adds flavor to the experience!
     
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  14. kaplang

    kaplang Works for me ! Subscriber

    I once sold a guitar pickup on eBay. The buyer thought they were buying a guitar even though the listing and title specifically said it was just for a pickup. No guitar pictures were included in the listing. I shipped it and it was returned with negative feed back to follow. EBay would not back me up so it’s stayed.
     
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  15. bashman

    bashman AK Subscriber Subscriber

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    Not getting the warning/parody part of your post at all.
     
  16. birchoak

    birchoak Hi-Fi Nut Subscriber

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    Amesbury, MA
    I don't know all the rules here, so I wanted to be sure everybody understood the playful nature of this thread.
     

     

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  17. birchoak

    birchoak Hi-Fi Nut Subscriber

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    Wow. And Ebay couldn't see what happened? They're happy to take your money, but don't ask them to help you sort out a simple problem, which is that the buyer was unable to read.
     
  18. No Money

    No Money AK Subscriber Subscriber

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    I had that with a camera lens once. Photo showed the lens only, no camera, listing stated lens only. Person who bought it tried to return it saying it came without the camera. In this case ebay actually came through. Backed me up all the way.
     
  19. savatage1973

    savatage1973 Addicted Member

    Messages:
    5,540
    Location:
    NW Pennsylvania snow belt
    Just a few more for the pile...

    "Please wait for invoice with actual S&H costs at auction end prior to payment" = I started this auction at some stupidly low opening bid to attract attention to the listing, but if the winning bid isn't high enough to meet my expectations, I am going to pad the hell out of the S&H fees to make up the difference.

    "S&H fees are flat rate $XX--if significantly lower, I will refund the difference" = FAT CHANCE SUCKAH!!!

    "I have experience shipping fragile/delicate items" = I have shipped hundreds of porcelain thrift store knick-knacks so a TT can't be that much harder.

    "As-Is, Not Working, For Parts/Repair Only" = hopelessly screwed beyond repair, and any parts of value already stripped from the unit.

    For (vintage) tube gear--"Original Tubes Not Included" = the tubes (probably the only thing of real value) have already been sold, or will be listed separately at a later date.

    "100% Positive Feedback Rating" = made 500 purchases for less than $10 each over the past couple years and actually paid for them, but never sold anything before.

    "Reserve Not Met" = I'm an asshole and won't tell you what I really want for the item, so you will add my listing to your watch list and waste your time checking back everyday, while making my listing look "better" due to the high traffic and number of watchers and bidders.

    "If you are not satisfied, contact me first before filing a claim" = contact me and I will jerk you around until it is too late for you to file a viable claim with Ebay/PayPal.
     
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  20. macgolf

    macgolf "overcome by art" Subscriber

    Messages:
    859
    Location:
    Central IL
    "Serviced" - I took it to my auto tech who put it in the trunk of his car(or bed of his truck) for a few weeks, and no more parts fell out.

    It's now "good to go" - into boxed storage in your garage. Maybe.

    "Stored in climate controlled environment" - I had this in the trunk of my car for years and that environment was definitely controlled by the climate.
     
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2018
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