Happy belated Birthday tybrad.
Hang tough brother.
I too, have known intense personal physical/mental & economical despair, and very strongly considered the desperate easy way out quite a few times since 11/19/81 when my whole life and career became trashed @ 26 years of age(I`m approaching 64).
I know, just a statement from somebody you don`t know, but I can get a good feeling & understanding for your despair.
Take care Sir. and I hope all improves for your future.
Most kind regards, Billy Ferris