Impending Divorce

If that works for you. Me and the wife of forty glorious years have shared in everything as 100% equal partners. There are ups and downs with employment and earnings that are shared, worked thru together.

Most all of the couples who we have known who divide bills or have separate accounts either are divorced now or been through one.

Just my $0.02, anyway

Barney


Barney, me and the wife simply split the bills. I pay the house payment, my share of the auto ins. and she pays the utilities and the groceries. I help her with her car payment, as I don't have one.

No joint checking acct. Seems like just another reason to have to explain everything.

Five years in, it's working swell for us. Maybe it is a generational thing. I'm Gen X, as is she.

By the way, she makes 3 times the money I make.

Someone said "There is no right way" or something to that effect. Agreed.
 
It would take way too long to respond to everyone, especially for a not very tech savy guy like me. Thanks to one and all for your support. Y'all have been wonderful. I feel loved here at AK and offline. It didn't take long for me to start enjoying single life. Basically, right away I was enjoying it and even more once the 2 furry menaces in my avatar joined me in October. Keep being awesome guys! :thmbsp:
 
We're aging boomers here and that's the way we do. We call it "Separate but equal."

This way she doesn't really know how much I spend on this hobby:smoke:.

Me too! And as well, keeps me from knowing how much she gives the stepdaughter and grandbaby.

It would take way too long to respond to everyone, especially for a not very tech savy guy like me. Thanks to one and all for your support. Y'all have been wonderful. I feel loved here at AK and offline. It didn't take long for me to start enjoying single life. Basically, right away I was enjoying it and even more once the 2 furry menaces in my avatar joined me in October. Keep being awesome guys! :thmbsp:

Happy to hear you're rolling with the flow, and have plenty of pussy (cat) as well to make things easier.

God, that was terrible. :D:yes::puke2:

Enjoy this new chapter, bud.
 
Me too! And as well, keeps me from knowing how much she gives the stepdaughter and grandbaby.



Happy to hear you're rolling with the flow, and have plenty of pussy (cat) as well to make things easier.

God, that was terrible. :D:yes::puke2:

Enjoy this new chapter, bud.

You're a character man! :D Don't ever change. :nono::D

Today, a police officer showed up at work to serve me a subpoena for the accident I witnessed in April. Even though I gave the court my current address, they still have the old one. That poor officer got to meet the reptile. He actually told me he never wants to meet her again. We had a good laugh!
 
I noticed some things with myself and others. It seems as we get older and life's experiences has taken a toll on us..we grow thinner and thinner to accepting bumps in the road. Op, i feel for you and hope the transition goes smoothly. I myself was dumped in Aug 2014 and still to this day wonder why and still feel somewhat shocked.
 
I noticed some things with myself and others. It seems as we get older and life's experiences has taken a toll on us..we grow thinner and thinner to accepting bumps in the road. Op, i feel for you and hope the transition goes smoothly. I myself was dumped in Aug 2014 and still to this day wonder why and still feel somewhat shocked.

Well, that makes me feel guilty. My transition was/is smooth so far. Sorry to hear you were blindsided.
 
I noticed some things with myself and others. It seems as we get older and life's experiences has taken a toll on us..we grow thinner and thinner to accepting bumps in the road. Op, i feel for you and hope the transition goes smoothly. I myself was dumped in Aug 2014 and still to this day wonder why and still feel somewhat shocked.

On the flip side, be happy you didn't have to endure hell till your kids were old enough to deal with the situation. If she just walked out, you're lucky.

I avoid TV, but if you channel surf the media, (six companies with an 85% share of TV, movies, music etc....aka oligopoly vs the hundreds when we were kids) there isn't much doubt about where the Media is taking the pop culture and how male figures are treated and act. A friend, who grew up in Communist Czechoslovakia, said that "even when you know it's propaganda; it has an effect on you".

In the US Media, most programming and ads portray males as buffoons including a lot of the contemporary children's books. I'm sure this has an effect on the women, young men and boys are under pressure to become gender neutral aka metro sexual. I'm always encouraged when I talk to young men that are completely rejecting the wimp programming.

Frequently, a clean start wipes the thought process. I don't know what your portability is like, but some new scenery can do wonders. There are lots of beautiful places to live in the US. Physical work and activity literally burns away a lot of undesirable chemicals in the body, many produced by our bodies as a reaction to stress. note*

Asia and Latin America have very different cultural dynamics, and make a good reset button on occasion, for some permanently.

* Years ago, I was playing basketball in a University Gym with a couple of Phd's in town to present their research findings. We got to talking, and the subject turned to mental health and physical activity vs drugs and counseling. Their research indicated that like Abe Lincoln chopping wood, physical activity (and a routine) yielded as good or better results for mental health.

From reading a 1950s psychology book that observed and documented behaviors and mental health, in addition to the above, the worst thing you can do is eat alone, the best thing you can do is eat with others. For some reason, this is basic to humans.

Sometimes when my daughter is with her mother, I stop by my fav local restaurant and eat at the bar. It's a restaurant with a bar, not a bar that serves food. It takes me a year to drink a case of beer at home, so I usually get a glass of water with diner.....

When I had a lot of business in Germany, I found a small beer garden restaurant with basic food in the little town I liked to stayed in. I took most of my dinners in the restaurant, after a few trips, when I walked in they would switch from German to English, I got to hear about the boss, the daughter's boyfriend, honey do lists, etc.........

My two cents........
 
Bubo, I'd say your input is worth a whole lot more than 2 cents. However, I have been eating dinner alone most nights since mid September. I'll have to pay more attention to how it affect me.
 
Bubo, I'd say your input is worth a whole lot more than 2 cents. However, I have been eating dinner alone most nights since mid September. I'll have to pay more attention to how it affect me.

If you live somewhere that you can take a short walk to the restaurants and public park, you kill two birds with one stone. During the summer months, I ride my bike to the restaurant.

In places that I frequented for business, people were always surprised that I didn't live in the small town downtown neighborhood, they saw me so often.
 
I can't afford to eat out every night and having company for dinner isn't likely to happen very often, but I will try to get some company more often. I have always been pretty flexible and eating alone has never noticeably bothered me. Matter of fact, I try to eat lunch alone just to have peace and quiet. However, I would not dismiss your advice. It is worth checking out at the very least.
 
So glad to hear this! Support comes in so many different ways.


Faith, exercise, and new interests in life fill a void that seems/seemed fill a pit of despair that coupled with time can create a new direction in life, often better that you may have had. Retrospection can make this obvious at times when ya just site back and reflect on things.

Some great suggestions from people who have walked on this same path and came out the better for it on this thread.

People just change in time, sometimes the one, or both which creates a different realms that they want to live in, eh?

We are only given a short time to experience this world, so you want happy:)days to fill the rest of your life.

Q
 
As recently posted in the AK Retired thread, two nights ago my wife came home from somewhere, charged into the bedroom, where I was, and screamed "I want a DIVORCE!!!!". I replied "OK".

My wife suffers from depression and panic/anxiety attacks. We took her to the hospital about a month ago, but she was released by the doctor with a diagnosis of "dizziness". To say the least, we have been here before. The trouble now is I have no more patience and understanding in my body, mind, or spirit. For years now, our family physician and me have been pushing her to get psychiatric help. She has been taking Paxil for over 10 years with very questionable results. She has refused help for as many, or more, years. This episode is the 4th or more #s of events similar to this. She is a sad human being and I have been trying to be of assistance all these years, Married 21 years. I have been a fool, but that is the degree of a person I am. The sad thing is that, after all these years, she finally has a psychiatric appointment on Monday next week.

Over the years she was never able to hold down more than a part time job. She has not worked for at least 15 years. I was always expected to be in control of the money. When we first got married, I tried my best to teach her about our investments/mutual funds. I tried hard, but was always met with a stupid expression that said "I really don't care". She is now perfectly incapable of handling finances of anything more than maybe paying a credit card on time. She has her own credit accounts and I have never let her have any control of our joint credit cards or bank accounts.

To say I am low right now would be an understatement. I really don't see how she will be able to pull off a divorce without my lack of a fight. I spent my working life living in a small house outside Orlando. I paid the house off when I was 28; so our married life was low cost housing wise. Before I retired, we purchased a 2 1/2 acre parcel in the woods outside Brooksville. We then purchased a new doublewide mobile to top the place off. Now all this is in jeopardy. She already said she won't stay here and, sure as hell, I am not getting out. Unlike a number of you, I have never had to go through this before. The issue at hand is the fact that I don't have it in me to live through this distress anymore.

I think this a better place to discuss this type of thing. Any comments, good or bad, will be welcomed. Thanks.
 
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