Discussion in 'General Off Topic Forums' started by onwardjames, Jan 15, 2014.
It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. Throughout the year she has met with all the kids parents and knew what they all did for a living.
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets." "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue.
"Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with some excitement.
The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with more excitement.
The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.”
“Oh, really? Darn it!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.”
“Well, now, not so fast,” said the cop. “Where did you get all that money? You didn’t’ steal it, did you?”
“Oh, no, no,” said the old lady. “You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, ‘why not make the best of it?’
“So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, ‘O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.’”
“Well, that seems only fair,” said the cop, laughing. “O.K. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what’s in the other bag?”
“Not everybody pays,” smiles the old lady.
pic posted by eywadude
"A federal judge has ordered a New Jersey “sovereign citizen” to stand trial on a variety of criminal charges – regardless of whether he is, as he claims to be, the Crown Prince Emperor El Bey Bigbay Bagby."
Reminds me of this one:
A guy went to a bullfight in Mexico. After it was over, he went to a restaurant and asked the waiter what was good on the menu. "Bull fries, señor, make you strong like Popeye!" The tourist wasn't convinced, but the waiter explained to him that when the bull lost the match, he was relieved of his bullhood and it was served at the restaurant. He ordered and out came a piping hot plate with two huge pieces of meat. Sure enough, it made him strong like Popeye. For the next several days he ordered the same thing. A few days later he came back and ordered. On the plate were two scrawny pieces of meat. When he asked for an explanation about the change, the waiter replied, "ah, señor, the bull does not always lose!"
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