Discussion in 'General Off Topic Forums' started by onwardjames, Jan 15, 2014.
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My new puppy Cosmo. Just got him yesterday, he's a pure bred Wiemaraner
9 weeks old
Him with my girlfriend
Around 11 years ago I was working at J.C. Penney with an 18 year old guy who, well, we shall say he was rather a greenhorn. You could just about convince him of anything. One day a female coworker and I, along with the store manager, decided to convince him he had to learn how to do bra fitting. Julie, my female coworker, came out with the "certified bra fitter" smock to see if it would fit him. We had him going! He was truly convinced he had to learn how to fit women for bras. A few minutes later, as if to add to the comedic atmosphere, a huge lady walked up to him and asked would he fit her for a bra!!! I don't know if she overheard our conversation, but his face turned as red as a Christmas tree bulb!!!
I could give y'all a few more stories about him, but I'll relay one more favorite. I was discussing a horrible looking Western cut leisure coat my dad had given me that belonged to him in the 70's. He hated it and hadn't wore it, so it looked pretty new even then. It had come from Penney's, so I was telling my boss about it and told him I'd bring it to work one day. One Saturday I did just that. He took one look at it and said it was so hideous that I couldn't even convince David, my greenhorn coworker, to put it on. Challenge accepted!!! Here comes David in at work. I caught him and told him that JCP had a new program wanting to show how long the merchandise lasted, so they were searching yard sales and flea markets for stuff from yesteryear and we got to model it. This ignorant dumb dumb fell for it, put on the leisure coat, and was strutting his stuff!!! I went and got our store manager. We played with him for a minute. "Looks great!" "Oh, man, we that's just the perfect fit! We got his size right!" He was beaming with pride until the store manager told him to take it off. Why? "David, it looks hideous!" "But, Ron told me to put it on" as in "Ron wouldn't lie to me, would he?" I wish I had've gotten a photo!
He's a cutie.
Can't handle the truth
The crime boss and his attorney meet with his accountant.
“Where’s the $3 million you embezzled from me?” demands the gangster.
The accountant is silent.
“Where’s my $3 million?” the crime boss shouts.
The lawyer explains, “Sir, the man is deaf. Allow me to translate.”
So using sign language, the attorney asks the accountant about the money, and the message is relayed back that the accountant knows nothing about it.
Furious, the crime boss pulls out a revolver and puts it to the deaf accountant’s head, screaming at the lawyer,
“Ask him again where my money is!”
“Okay! Okay!” the deaf accountant sighs back.
“The money’s hidden behind the old tool shed in my back yard.”
“What did he say?” demands the enraged crime boss.
The attorney replies, “He says you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.”
A Monk says to a hot dog vendor: “Make me one with everything.”
The vendor rolls his eyes and makes him the hot dog and the Monk hands him a $20 bill.
The vendor hands him his hot dog and then the Monk goes and sits down at a nearby table to enjoy it.
Soon after, to the Monk’s dismay, he realizes the vendor hasn’t been forthcoming with the rest of his money.
He knows the hot dog couldn’t have been $20, so the Monk approaches the vendor and says:“Excuse me, where’s my change?”
To which the vendor replies: “Change comes only from within.”
Back when streaking was the rage, 95 year old Mabel, who lived in a nursing home, decided to give it a try.
In her room, she takes off all of her clothes, opens the door and runs down to the end of the hallway and then back to her room.
In a side hallway were two old men who happen to see the whole thing. The conversation went like this.
Fred: Wasn't that Mabel I saw running down the hallway?
George: Ya, I think it was.
Fred: What was that she was wearing?
George: I don't know, but it sure did need ironing.
Looking for new music(YouTube)
Old lady in am assisted living home would walk around with only a bathrobe on.
She would walk around like that and when she found a man, she would expose herself and yell "SUPER SEX!!!"
Old man looks at her, thinks for a moment, smacks his lips, and says "I'll take the soup.
The cat brought in a mouse and I said to the wife “look at the big mouse puss got” wifey said “looks like he stopped at the salad bar too” he’d grabbed a stalk with three big leaves along with it.
Separate names with a comma.