It's the "Put A Smile On Your Face" thread, please contribute

First year students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered in a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine,it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you should not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."

The Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the anus of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students initially freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anus of the corpse and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at the class and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger but sucked on my index finger.Now learn to pay attention!"
 
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A good-looking man walked into an agent’s office in Hollywood.

“I want to be a television and movie star,” he told the agent. Tall, handsome, great dancer and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.

The agent asked: “What’s your name?”

“Penis van Lesbian,” he replied.

“Sir, I hate to tell you,” said the agent, “but in order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name.”

“I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old. I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Never!”

“Now listen: I have worked in Hollywood for years and I’m telling you that will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. Change your name - or I won’t be able to put you on our books.”

“So be it! I guess we will not do business together,” the guy said, and left the agent’s office.

Five years later


The agent opens an envelope sent to his office - inside is a letter and a check for $50,000.

Dear Sir,

Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian.

After I left your office, I thought about what you said and, eventually, decided you were right: I had to change my name. I’m afraid I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent.

But I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.

Thank you for your advice.

Sincerely,

Dick van Dyke
 
We recently spent $2500 on a young Black Angus Bull.

We put him out with the herd, but he just ate grass and wouldn’t even look at a cow. I was beginning to suspect he was gay, if that’s possible with a bull. Anyhow, I had the Vet come have a look at him.

He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him each day.

The bull started to service the cows within two days. All of OUR cows! He even broke through the fence and bred all our neighbor’s cows!

He’s been breeding just about everything in sight.

He’s like a machine!

I don’t know what was in the pills the Vet gave him, but they taste a bit like peppermint!
 
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