It's the "Put A Smile On Your Face" thread, please contribute
- Thread starter onwardjames
- Start date
IPADave
Turning a whiter shade of pale.
invaderzim
Super Member
Career Opportunities.
Fully clothed and hot as hell. The good old days when they knew how to do that in a movie.
the skipper
Professional Curmudgeon
A guy was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library.
He sees an open chair next to a pretty girl and asks her: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?" The girl replied in a loud voice... "NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
All the people in the library started staring at him. He was embarrassed and sulked off to another table.
A little bit later, the girl walked quietly over to him and, giggling, whispered into his ear: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I bet you felt embarrassed, right?" He responded in a very loud voice: "$1500 FOR ONE NIGHT? I'M NOT PAYING YOU THAT!"
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock as her faced turned beet red. Then he whispered to her: "I study law, and I know how to really screw people".
He sees an open chair next to a pretty girl and asks her: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?" The girl replied in a loud voice... "NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
All the people in the library started staring at him. He was embarrassed and sulked off to another table.
A little bit later, the girl walked quietly over to him and, giggling, whispered into his ear: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I bet you felt embarrassed, right?" He responded in a very loud voice: "$1500 FOR ONE NIGHT? I'M NOT PAYING YOU THAT!"
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock as her faced turned beet red. Then he whispered to her: "I study law, and I know how to really screw people".
SolderIron
Super Member
Two hillbillies walked into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talked about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table who is eating a sandwich, began to cough.
After a minute or so, it became apparent that she was in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looked at her and said, "Kin ya swallar?"
The woman shook her head no.
Then he asked, "Kin ya breathe?"
The woman began to turn blue and shook her head no. The hillbilly walked over to the woman, lifted up her dress, yanked down her
drawers, and quickly gave her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman was so shocked that she had a violent spasm, and the obstruction
flew out of her mouth. As she began to breathe again, the Hillbilly walked slowly back to his table.
His partner said, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!"
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table who is eating a sandwich, began to cough.
After a minute or so, it became apparent that she was in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looked at her and said, "Kin ya swallar?"
The woman shook her head no.
Then he asked, "Kin ya breathe?"
The woman began to turn blue and shook her head no. The hillbilly walked over to the woman, lifted up her dress, yanked down her
drawers, and quickly gave her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman was so shocked that she had a violent spasm, and the obstruction
flew out of her mouth. As she began to breathe again, the Hillbilly walked slowly back to his table.
His partner said, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!"
the skipper
Professional Curmudgeon
A bull was deployed for servicing the cows on a farm.
Lady asks the farm manager: “How many times can this bull perform?”
Manager replies: “5 to 6 times in a day”.
Lady looks at her husband: “You see?”
Husband asks the manager: “Is it the same cow every time?”
Manager: “No sir it’s a different cow every time.”
Man looks back to wife: “You see!”
Lady asks the farm manager: “How many times can this bull perform?”
Manager replies: “5 to 6 times in a day”.
Lady looks at her husband: “You see?”
Husband asks the manager: “Is it the same cow every time?”
Manager: “No sir it’s a different cow every time.”
Man looks back to wife: “You see!”
the skipper
Professional Curmudgeon
the skipper
Professional Curmudgeon
Keep in mind that 'm from Texas and much of my family are rednecks.
A redneck family are visiting a big city for the first time.
The father and son are in the hotel lobby when the spot an elevator, the kind with floor numbers in a half circle and an arrow above it..
"What's that Paw?" The boy asked.
"Dunno son. I ain't never did see nothin' like that in my life" Replied the father.
Seconds later an old frail woman walks in the hotel door and hobbles to the elevator. She presses the button with her cain, waits for the doors to open and gets in.
The father and son, still amazed by this contraption, continue to watch.
The door closes and they watch the arrow under the numbers go up until it reaches highest number and it stops. They look at each other in disbieleif.
Then they see the arrow going the other way until it reaches the number 1, the floor they are on.
They hear a ping noise and the doors open again. Out steps a beautiful 20 year old blonde in hot pants walks out..
The father, still staring at her, taps his son on the shoulder and "Son, go get your Maw !"
A redneck family are visiting a big city for the first time.
The father and son are in the hotel lobby when the spot an elevator, the kind with floor numbers in a half circle and an arrow above it..
"What's that Paw?" The boy asked.
"Dunno son. I ain't never did see nothin' like that in my life" Replied the father.
Seconds later an old frail woman walks in the hotel door and hobbles to the elevator. She presses the button with her cain, waits for the doors to open and gets in.
The father and son, still amazed by this contraption, continue to watch.
The door closes and they watch the arrow under the numbers go up until it reaches highest number and it stops. They look at each other in disbieleif.
Then they see the arrow going the other way until it reaches the number 1, the floor they are on.
They hear a ping noise and the doors open again. Out steps a beautiful 20 year old blonde in hot pants walks out..
The father, still staring at her, taps his son on the shoulder and "Son, go get your Maw !"
the skipper
Professional Curmudgeon
Sharpstik
Stuck in the 70's
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