People who give themselves up...

harman/kardon

harman/kardon

From the Fatherland
Subscriber
This is the third time that a family member gives herself up. It is an aunt again. The interesting thing is that it seems to be a rather subconscious decision. They did not commit suicide, not really, but there is a something inside them that decided that it is enough. Two of my aunts died from dehydration.

Aunt Karin, totally in despair since her husband died, escaped into the maybe comforting darkness of dementia a couple of months ago. Today she has been hospitalized. The end is very near.

Similar experiences?
 
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My father-in-law died after a lengthy bout with Alzheimer's in September of 2009. My mother-in-law was temporarily relieved of the issues associated with the disease, but after a few months she changed and started talking about wanting to be with her husband. She had a few minor health issues, but nothing unmanageable. In May of 2010 she basically willed herself to death, leaving behind 4 children, their spouses, numerous grandchildren, not to mention all of her friends and other relatives who loved and thought the world of her.
 
This is what Audiokarma actually is about.

Thank you for participating in the topic, thank you for sharing, thank you for understanding, Larry.
 
So sorry to hear that, Chris! Sending out a prayer for your Aunt.

My grandfather died of Alzheimer's back in the early 1990's, he was 89. My other grandparents died of old age, they all were 90 years old or older when they died!
 
My mother was the nurse administrator for a personal care facility for years--this is very common--when a spouse dies or becomes critically ill, it is over--both are dead within the same week--it just happens. Off to be together again forever.
 
Similar here. My father went to bed and never got up. My mother wore him out. He waited on her hand and foot for at least 15 years. I could fill pages with my rant concerning my mother and her selflessness but I'll stop here. It's an issue I still can't get over and it's been at least 5 years.

This is my 3rd edit: When my youngest son, he's now 34? & my wife told me about my father I wept in the closet. Guess there's a first time for everything.
 
i noticed that my grandmother developed dementia not very long after being moved to nursing home, somewhat against her will....and the fact that she didn't have money to pay her rent....anyway, i'm pretty sure the stress of the ordeal played a large part.
 
Sorry to hear this Chris. Sending positive thoughts your way.

My Mom died from dementia. She gave up after my dad passed. She had a good constitution so it was almost 3 years before she joined my dad.

-Dave
 
I'm fond of the french phrase "raison d'etre" which translates "reason to be".

Without one, most of us would simply will ourselves to go away, whether it is a spouse, perhaps one who has achieved all he/she wants in life, you name it.

I'm sorry for your losses, Chris. May time comfort you.
 
I frequently visited an elderly gent in another state, for a few years, who seemed to enjoy our time together. As he aged into what was to be his last year, it became apparent that he was ready to let go as dimentia diminished his intellect and his physical condition worsened further. As much as we still enjoyed the time we spent together on the good days, I hoped for him a painless quiet timely passing for a life well spent, and not quite a couple weeks after our last visit and a seizure and devastating stroke, taken off life support, he passed surrounded by friends and family, with my presence requested by the family.
 
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Steve, that's a beautiful story.

My father went from 256 lbs to 173 in only 7 months. Congestive heart failure. He fought like a demon, but 3 days before he drifted away, his face said it all. He was tired.

He told me "Do it NOW." I asked him, "Do what, Dad?"

"Whatever you WANT to do in life."

He would open one eye one more time the next day, looked at me, smiled, and 24 hours later was gone. Poignant, if not so hard for me and mom.

"Death is just the other end of being born." - Donald Burgett, survivor of the Battle of Bastogne.
 
Chris,

I'm very sorry to hear of your aunts situation. My prayers are with her and your family.

My sister of 55 years died this past August, from cancer. It came back a year prior, after she had been given the "all clear" sign just 6 months earlier. She was buried, 8 days before her youngest daughters wedding, in the dress she had picked out for that event. Ever the optimist, my sister kept the seriousness of her disease from everyone, or her daughter would have moved up the wedding date. It eventually became clear the only way she could attend the wedding, was to "shuffle off this mortal coil". I like to think she was there with my father who passed 10 years ago.

Thank you for the opportunity to share and read others similar experiences.
 
Sorry for your past losses and the potential for yet another, Chris.

Having gone through a loss of loved one as of late, I think it boils down to quantity vs quality, a well worn phrase that we've all heard before but there is a large degree of truism in it.

As some have already stated, without purpose or quality, life loses its meaning and the "q vs q" manifests itself. For those involved, the only control they have in life is in making that final decision about/for themselves.

Q
 
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When I get angry from time to time I'm trying to remind myself that is not ours to question but to accept the sort of Tao's (God's) decisions. However - it is comforting to know that my aunt does not realize her situation anymore for a couple of months.
 
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HarmanKardon said:
When I get angry from time to time I'm trying to remind myself that is not ours to question the sort of Tao's (God's) decisions. However - is comforting to know that my aunt does not realize her situation anymore for a couple of months.
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That in itself is a blessing. However, closely follow pain management as with the many patients, they can get lost in the shuffle. Pain assessment is an ongoing process in which we who care, need to be a part on in the whole event.

Q
 
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Yesterday in the afternoon our kind Aunt Karin left us. Her body followed her mind at last. May she rest in peace now.
 
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She feels bad, because she lost another close friend of her generation. She has survived almost all her friends and feels more and more alone. My siblings and I have to cheer her up now as best as possible.
 
HarmanKardon said:
She feels bad, because she lost another close friend of her generation. She has survived almost all her friends and feels more and more alone. My siblings and I have to cheer her up now as best as possible.
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Yeah I totally understand that, she's seen a lot of change around her. The comfort of what was is getting so far away from her present day living, but she still has her kids there for her. :)
 
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