Stereo solutions to appease a not so understanding spouse

Well, I have an understanding wife who has her own expensive hobby, so I have two rooms that are "mine", my office/den with one system, and the workout/rec room with another. And a third of the garage with my workshop area and the motorcycle.

As several of the guys have mentioned, a relationship involves compromise. Compromise is not "my way, take it or leave it". It goes both ways. When there were grumblings in the past, I would cheerfully remind her that my hobbies didn't involve other women or illegal drugs, so she should consider herself lucky. And I was only half joking.

Here's a key point that your wife needs to understand, and, no, it has nothing to do with either audio gear or who's in charge: A house is to live in, not to stand back and admire, or show off to visitors. Its purpose is as a place for the family to live; all of the family, not just your wife. She doesn't get to turn it into a Better Homes & Gardens showplace, and tell everybody to not sit on the furniture. You know what I mean. You need to gently tell her: "Honey, I live here too. What space do I get?"

Here are a few possible compromises:

1. Move the speaker off the fireplace hearth, and put both of them on either side of the shelf unit. It might not be an ideal audio triangle from there, but I think she'll be happier if they're not up by the fireplace, which is a focal point of the room.
2. $500 headphones. Hell, make it $1,000 headphones and a $500 headphone amp. "Honey, if I can't use the speakers, I need good headphones". Smile when you say it.
3. Speakers or a new motorcycle. Her choice.

Bottom line, you're not happy. I was joking with a lady friend the other day and I mentioned the worst, most horrifying words a man can ever hear: "Honey, we need to talk". :D

Maybe you need to use that line. :yes:
 
Start shopping for motorcycles, vintage cars, boats, etc.

Divorce is expensive-- get some nice headphones.

Heh, both of the above are probably true. :D

IMHO, the Expedit really call attention to itself and is VERY large and dominating. In reality, most of us don't need to have more than one full day's worth of albums out at any given time, so I'd suggest placing your LP media storage elsewhere. Then consider what might be a decent or optimum placement of your proposed speakers and where that could go. Remember that it may be future speakers you have to think about too.

Ask if speakers with nice wood veneers, glossy piano black, Rosewood, glossy color paint could also work? How about thin black, silver or chrome metal, or wooden stands and small speakers (think LS3/5a size plus small subs) could also do it?

then start doing some brainstorming together on what a nice equipment stand might be like? I suspect lower and nice appearing could be important. They could be open and modern with glass, neutral color wood materials, even a short armoire with doors, glass or otherwise, to close up the system when not in use. Lots of options here. And maybe even space to add some decoration like Lava Lamp (guys stuff) or more pictures, even flowers.

What I'm getting at is - work together and collaboratively, involve her in the aesthetic considerations while you help shape the equipment and gear options. Did you see that when asking about how speakers might look, she could say, well maybe some nice rosewood veneer speakers of this or that size could be used - that way, now you've got an upgrade path for some nice speakers that you don't have now, and she's given you some leeway in choosing. Remember there's a lot more out there than just the typical rectangles, black or grey boxes.

If your wife likes any kind of music, then play it (via ipod or such) to maybe help her understand how much music can help the mood or feel of a HOME. Play some of the kids' music (if it isn't too nauseating) and see how it may be helpful in keeping them occupied while calming them down (this assumes they aren't teens yet!!).

IMHO, having been married for 34 years, compromise and agreement, working together, is a healthy plan for a healthy marriage. Unless you and your wife have agreed upon division of space usage, its important to consult each other when stuff like this comes up.

I don't disagree with some of the other ideas above, especially to live in a home, I just feel working together shows your commitment to your marriage first, rather than the stuff (and music), as important as it can sometimes seem to be.
 
Sounds like she's NEVER going to be 100% happy with a "real" stereo in the main living space, and of course you would never be 100% happy with some lame-assed "invisible" built into the wall type speakers - so why fight that - it's never going to work. Even if you did find a solution that gets you 80% there I have the feeling she probably wouldn't want you playing the music past a certain volume either - and what's the fun in that?

I'd say the compromise here that you need to make is with hobby #2 - the project car out in the garage. One expensive, space consuming hobby has to go. She's given you carte Blanche on the garage, you are choosing to fill it with a project car (in her eyes another money pit most likely). The more you get into the audio hobby the more you will want to experiment with speaker placement, room treatments, sound proofing etc - having a blank canvas like the garage will allow you to do whatever you want whenever without the hassle of WAF - and getting you closer to audio nirvana (while keeping your marriage in tact)!
 
Absolutely agree with Mech986 - family is a compromise - you can't have it all, so decide what is important.

I got rid of the motorcycle (1970 Triumph project) to make mine happy, and that got me into the audio gear.
I try to maintain a decent aesthetic - nice shelves and cabinets for the media, and make sure the gear is of a reasonable visual quality.
The Vandersteens are better received than the big JBL monitors with blue baffles and no grills, for instance, and they are hooked to the TV
and bluray so she can enjoy them whenever she watches TV or movies ...

But the JBLs went over well for a while because I got her involved in them. When we went for the speakers (2 hours away) I took her for a really nice meal in that town.

I also made sure to set up the electronics so its easy for her to use - (I set up automated switches and controls)
so when she turns on the TV and preamp, the rest of it starts up by itself in the background, at a reasonable volume.

Its something we share, its a pleasure to use and makes her TV shows more enjoyable - she is now engaged in all of it.

Your spouse may not be that open to change - but some conversation and sharing is a good thing.
 
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If you want good sound - you need a dedicated room. There is no work around that. I have systems in bith family and music room. No comparison in sound quality. Mostly due to sou d reflections in un treated room
 
I gave up arguing with my wife over my audio gear cluttering her family room and moved my big system and all my records to the unfinished basement. Now she's badgering me to remodel the family room -- new paint, window treatments, carpet, and furniture -- and I'm dragging my feet on her proposal. Since I don't get to enjoy the family room as much as she does, remodeling it is a much lower priority for me than it is for her.
 
There is no obvious solution here (unfortunately).
But I can see your wife's poing - those speakers are ugly.
Maybe it's too strong of a word, but they don't really add any charm to this room (or any other room).
So what I would do is this:
1. Google images of high end speakers. Some of them are truly pieces of art. Show them to her and see if she likes any.
2. I would get rid of Expedit (or move it to another room). Find some nice looking equipment stand/rack.

And the most important - don't turn it into a family feud.

Oh, and ....good luck!
 
Can you have just one system for the TV and records? Get a small speaker/sub combo for now to listen too.

The put the albums in a box in the closet out of sight.



Barney
 
I am the music and equipment obsessed part of the family and I did not want a rack of equipment and media in the living room where we did most of our entertaining, I extensively remodeled the house and that would violate my sense of aesthetics. As part of the remodel I buried speaker wires in the walls and housed the equipment and media in a separate custom cabinet that matched the adjacent kitchen cabinets. This is in a separate but adjacent and easily accessible room and all our stuff is what I call eclectic modern.


From that central control I can manage all 3 speaker sets in the public areas of the house, including outside. I have 2 fairly high end Paradigms on stands of my own design in the living room as well as a sub behind a large chair. Getting the speakers on stands took a it of persuasion, but now everything looks and sounds great and the sound system is a big part of our entertaining. And the wife is happy. Btw that Expedit is seriously clunky and not appropriate for a decent room.
 
I have to agree with the previous answers on the lines of "sounds like she is calling all the shots." If that is the case, you have to decide if the relationship is worth it.

As for the "mancave, garage system, etc. suggestions are concerned, that's fine if you agree and everything is else is harmonious. In my home, we are fortunate to have 2 free rooms. One is mine and one is hers. We have no problems, it's agreeable, and it works.
 
I hate to beat a dead horse but the other fellas are spot on. It's not just her space, it's both of yours. I've seen relationships where the house is primarily dominated by one person, and basically the other person is left feeling like they aren't represented in their own space. It's unfair - both should get equal amounts. In my house my wife and I both share the main living area, and she gets control of the bedroom (because I personally don't care) and we both have our own room to do what we want with. We can both escape to our own retreats and then we usually come together in our shared space. Works well for us and we never have quibbles about the way a space looks.
 
She says "There has to be a better way".... get her suggestions on what she thinks is the better way.
 
If she likes music, try and set up a demo for here in non - confrontational circumstances. "Honey, lets listen that album you like so much." Then play it through some lesser or smaller speakers and then through your best speakers. See if she notices a difference. If not, you will get no understanding from her. In that case you will have to assert your right to be able to enjoy your music in some space in the house. Let her know that it is your house, too and that music and the proper sound of it are something that makes you feel special (women may not understand audio but they understand feelings and give them validation.) "I want" may not get you anywhere, but "I feel" is going to hit a soft spot with her.
 
Hi,

I was looking at your space in the attached photo and have some thoughts...

First - could she specify what exactly isn't working for her? For example is it the cables, or the speakers, or the expedit?

For me the receiver and turntable you have fit perfectly as a part in the living room.

If she doesn't like the speakers or the expedit because the black is a light sink, maybe you could get her to come on board with some aesthetic solutions. Speakers stands or some light wooden speakers that match the mantle, or a shelving unit that blends...
 
I say that if you have to put up with all her damned candles and arbitrary throw pillows, she can put up with your stereo.

I was thinking the same thing - throw pillows on a fireplace? Ugh.

The speakers look kind of big to her, those throw pillows look way out of place to me. There's got to be a compromise in there somewhere, who's paying the bills? I'd think that should bring some leverage into the discussion.

Good luck with it, I've lived that situation as well. Not fun. One thing I would recommend is that you mention something that's non-television, you might find that's a place where you might find some compromise. Plug your TV into your stereo and start using it to enhance the video experience, she might find that she actually enjoys that. Then, adding a turntable next to the television may not be such a stretch.

bs
 
I'm lucky to have married a woman who appreciates a well performing system. Allows a system in just about every room.

Hardly a nigh goes by that she does not asks me "to hook up the stereo" by this she means play the TV through the system in the Room. Right now a Onkyo TX-6500MKII AR2AX is the bedroom system. That needs a headphone jack inserted to feed the receiver. Can't leave it connected because it cuts off the TV speakers. The last set up were Yamaha separates and she didn't complain about the looks just how flat they sounded. She a Marantz fan.

She is not worried about making it work There's me for that. So it might just be you need to get her use too a richer sounding set up.



Barney
 
I say that if you have to put up with all her damned candles and arbitrary throw pillows, she can put up with your stereo.


Sorry. I know that wasn't helpful.

But in your heart you know I'm right.:smoke:

:tresbon:

Or,tell her it's either the stereo or you're taking back the closet space that you were evicted from.
 
I say that if you have to put up with all her damned candles and arbitrary throw pillows, she can put up with your stereo.


Sorry. I know that wasn't helpful.

But in your heart you know I'm right.:smoke:

Damn right.

This logic, while infallible, will only cause grief.

Somewhere along the way, men gave up so much territory that now we're finding ourselves pretty much shut out of any decision-making when it comes to the domicile. Archie Bunker's recliner comes to mind.

My wife asked me repeatedly what color we should paint 1)bedroom, 2)living room, and then 3)kitchen.

At every turn, she did what she wanted, and now complains she doesn't like it. Never once went with my suggestions.

When it came time to redo my listening room, I put the big ass foot down.
Guess what??

She LOVES the way it looks.

Some women can't make a decision worth chit.

Perhaps Hjames should give us a different perspective.

Good luck. I'd build a mancave, if it were me.
 
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