The 'Lies Upon Lies' Game

[CoogarXR]

Doctors in the 1970s started the practice of whistling "Islands in the Stream" to the nurses as a discrete way of saying the patient had kidney stones. This way, the nurse could prepare the catheter without making the patient needlessly anxious before it was time to insert it.

 

[luckyed]

Many doctors had catheters automatically placed into their patients as a quick and easy way to obtain clean urine. Investigators found that many doctors were getting kickbacks from "Big Urine" by selling the urine to the cartels. This caused a huge stain on the medical professions. The corruption started at the top and dripped down to the lowest workers. When the investigation was released it made a huge splash.

 

[old_tv_nut]

One fellow who lived in a conical tent on the prairie prepared to get rich in the clean urine market by drinking ten gallons of tea. His death certificate read "Died in his teapee."

 

[luckyed]

The reporting on the urine black market trade became stale after the incident happened at the governors office that involved the chief of staff, the cleaning crew and the secret service. Not much has been verified but there is a stench around the governors house.

 

[bobsvinyl]

Unscrupulous insurance companies began putting governors on catheters to regulate the flow of urine from patients. This made the patients pee less and therefore use less supplies. The insurance companies took this to the extreme, causing patients to bloat up from the retained urine. In some cases urine began to work it's way to the surface through their sweat glands. A advocacy group caught wind of this and started a class action suit. Their battle cry was "You're pissing me off!" and soon became a commonly heard expression.

 

[luckyed]

Sweating piss was a common problem until the black market introduced synthetic urine which destroyed the main stream urine market.

 

[old_tv_nut]

All the coverage of the above events eventually became labeled as the second era of yellow journalism, which historians say ended with the ecological "green movement."

 

[luckyed]

The green movement was produced from the over consumption of kale.

 

[riksors]

Kale was considered as weed, until it was smoked by a person named Mary Jane.

 

[luckyed]

Besides smoking kale Mary Jane genetically engineered kale with other plants and discovered a plant that when smoked activated her appetite for candy. She then invented a kale, peanut butter and taffy concoction that she began to market as Kaffy (kale + taffy). Sales were sticky.

 

[SuperjazzyJa]

Mary Jane was arrested for selling Kaffy without a license. She was sentenced to 3000 hours of community service where she had to work with dyslexic alligators. Now, 456 alligators are able to read without aid. Unfortunately MJ came up missing. When asked if they'd seen her, one of the alligators replied, "No, but she had excellent taste." The rest of the gators stifled chuckles.

 

[luckyed]

As the investigators arrived it just proved their point that the alligators could not be trusted. They listened but they could not completely digest what was happening.

 

[harman/kardon]

I like alligators. Nice and friendly little buddies.

Lieutenant Columbo had one named "Lassie". No... wait... the name of that one was "Dog"... right?

 

[bobsvinyl]

Scientists in a Florida research facility successfully bred alligators with pit bulls to develop the ultimate security system. Initial tests were discouraging when trainers began losing fingers and hands while feeding the pit gators treats after their walk. The project has been put on hold and the remaining test subjects were left with the local Humane Society.

 

[noogies]

The Humane Society was founded in the mid-19th century and its original purpose was to protect people in rural and unsettled areas of the United States from the wild animals that inhabited those regions. When first founded it was designated "The Human Society" but over the years as its mission changed a final 'E' was added in order to better reflect its new priorities.

 

[old_tv_nut]

Only briefly deterred, the researchers started a program to breed alligators with chihuahuas. The idea was to prevent purse snatching by carrying the chihuahuagator inside. This project, too, folded when it was found that owners could put money in the purse, but were afraid to try taking it out.

 

[SuperjazzyJa]

Then, they bred chihuahuagators with house cats and put them into purses. The result was purrsefect! The chihuahuagatorcats (CGCs) prevented purse snatching without harming the owners of the purses. They also performed catscans whenever needed.

 

[jvcisforme]

Catscans were invented because too many cats were being cross bred with alligators, so we needed to tell them apart!

 

[DonQuixote99]

The above is fanciful. Cat scans were invented to detect cats in people's stomachs.

Cats have the ability to teleport themselves into the stomachs of people. If you ever woke up to find a cat standing on your stomach, you now know what it was up to!

Sometimes cats teleport into people's stomachs and stay there. This leads to the condition called morbid obesity. The cat eats all incoming food. The person, starving, eats massive quantities, and the cat grows to monstrous size. Morbid obesity is typically fatal.

 

[jvcisforme]

Food isn't needed to survive, as the alien overlords infect all our food with a virus, so you become "hungry". People don't die of starvation, they just get killed by the aliens