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The World's Funniest Joke ...

Walt

Walt

Well-Known Member
Apparently the joke below has been nominated as the world's funniest by a group of scientists in the UK calling themslves LaughLabs:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cellphone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

:D

Funny, but the funniest?
 
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How about when the cowboy who is doing his business gets bit in the butt by a rattle snake and the only way he can be saved is by his buddy sucking out the poison? :eek:
Of Course the worlds funniest joke kills people and no-one can read it to translate it for the enemy, thus they lose their secret tool of destruction.
 
I was seated next to a gorgeous woman on a plane and noticed she was reading a large book entitled "Encyclopedia of Sexual Facts." She noticed my interest and mentioned, "Did you realize that the American Indian is the most physically endowed, sexually??"

Several minutes later, she added,"Did you know that the Amish have the greatest sexual stamina??"

She finally closed her book and said, "My name's Susan, BTW, what's yours??"

At last, I was able to blurt out "Tonto Yoder."
 
Don't tell anyone my moniker came from a joke: I'm still trying to get that government subsidy for a casino with a family-style restaurant.

TY
 
ThatchEar - here's how I heard that joke

two cowboys sleeping under the stars and one gets up to relieve himself. As he's going a snake bites him on his well... you know....
he runs back to camp and tells his friend. Not knowing what to do, his friend jumps on his horse and rides to town, looking for the local doc. Finding him, he asks what to do for a snake bite. The doc replies "make a cut at the bite and suck the poison out". The cowboy gets back on his horse and races back to camp. Anxiously awaiting his arrival, his friend asks what the doc said.
His friend thinks for a minute and replies "you're gonna die"
 
LOL........Thats it! I couldn't remember what the joke was, just the circumstances.

There is a Texas Aggie walking down the side of a country road with a pig under his arm. A farmer driving by in his pickup truck stops and says"Hey, he's a nice one! Where'd ya get him?"
Pig says"I won him in a raffle."
 
Talking dog for sale

This guy sees a sign in front of a house "Talking Dog for Sale."


He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard. The
guy goes into the back yard and sees a mutt sitting there.


"You talk?" he asks.


"Yep," the mutt replies.


"So, what's your story?"


The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I
wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no
time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with
spies and world leaders, cause no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.

I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting
around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I
wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some
undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and
listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a
batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."


The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the
dog.


The owner says "Ten dollars."


The guy says he'll buy him but asks the owner, "This dog is amazing. Why on
earth are you selling him for $10?"

The owner replies, "He's such a liar."


:boink:
 
A God from Maine and a guy from Texas are standing on a bridge taking a leak. The God says "Dang that water sure is cold."
Texan says"Yea, deep too."
 
QUICK THINKING

The Girls Night Out...

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight ... "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the champagne was going down way too easy.
Around 3 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing he'd probably wake up I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him 12 o'clock.
He didn't seem disturbed at all.
Whew! Got away with that one!
Then he said we need a new cuckoo clock.
When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh ****!", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then farted."
:dunno:
 
A Haircut


A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours."

The guy leaves.



A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours."

The guy leaves.





A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half."

The guy leaves.



The barber who is intrigued by this time, looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill. Follow that guy and see where he goes."



A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"


Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says,


"Your house."




:saywhat:
 
LOL!! I likes.

Irish guy gets the bad news from his doc. Cancer you don't have long to live.
His son is waiting and asks what the doctor said, so he told him he had cancer and just a short time to live.
Well what are we going to do asks the son.
We will go to the bar and drink. Good times, bad times, we have a few pints.
At the bar an old friend comes up and asks what the occasion is.
The father replies that he has AIDs and not long to live.
The friend buys some pints, they drink them and the friend leaves.
Dad! the son says, Why did you tell him you were dying from AIDs when you have cancer?
I don't want him sleeping with your mother after I die.
 
Zip It - Zip It Good!!

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. Dressed up for work, she was wearing a very tight mini skirt. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on the bus she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the bus' first step. So slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she still could not make the step. So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more. And for a second time she attempted the step and once again, much to her disgust she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
So with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.
About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus. Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero, screeching at him ''How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!! ''
At this the Texan drawled, ''Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.''
 
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