Theophilus Punoval
The Queen says it's OK...
That's not the Zappa song, it's my lifestyle.
I never was much of a drinker, even as a kid. Then I had my accident and my working life came to a screeching halt. Fortunately, I bought the house and car for cash a few months before so those were two big expenses off the board.
Social Security was enough but didn't leave much for extras, so I became an expert at surviving, and even enjoying, cheap booze. Amazingly, there a few diamonds in the Stygian depths of bottom-shelf drinking.
One example is Seagram's Vodka. I can get 1.75 for about $17 - it even comes in a glass bottle! - and Seagram's has been very well reviewed in Swollen Liver Magazine, the Bible of cheap booze. Personally, I find that the two major ingredients of top-shelf vodka are A) grain alcohol and B) hype. Seagram's for me!
Gin is another thing altogether. Drinking cheap gin is like stuffing a stick of dynamite in your ear and touching it off. It's degradation-in-a-bottle. As Eric Idle once said, "Six bottles of this and they're really fishing guys out of the sewers."
But, even there some gems exist. The Gods have decreed that Gordon's, Burnett's and (old friend) Seagram's will mix very well with tonic, especially the way I make G&T: a shot in a 16 oz A&W Root Beer mug, then filled to the top with tonic. So for someone who still retains the tattered remnants his dignity - ie someone who won't drink Barton's - these three will do the trick.
Rum is a bit trickier, given the different kinds. My personal favorite is Flor de Cana from Nicaragua, but it's somewhat pricey. I also enjoy Plantation from Barbados. However, I don't care for Barbancourt from Haiti. Rhum agricole isn't for me.
My opinion is that Puerto Rico and Virgin Island rums are weak in the poop. I'm told that Bacardi and Castillo are the same rum poured into different bottles, but Castillo sells for less. That says something about Bacardi and Castillo, and I'm not sure that's an altogether good something.
Spiced or flavored rum all taste like cough syrup to me. And Captain Morgan looks like he'd buy you a drink and when you came to you'd be a cabin boy on a ship bound for Tortuga. I can skip his rum AND the sea cruise.
Everyday rums, not costing a fortune but not paying a $10 a bottle Hype Tax, are around. Appleton's from Jamaica is great for me.
And I've had a soft spot for Mt. Gay ever since an old girlfriend of mine brought me a bottle when she came back from vacation on Barbados. She told me about having had "a lover" while she was there - she said she would probably have a fling before she left - but lost her mind when she found out I slept with her best friend while she was away. Go figure.
So, I have no money, no taste and, most importantly, no class. Therefore, I can happily drink Johnny Walker Red. With the money I save I can get at least two more frozen pizzas a month!
I never was much of a drinker, even as a kid. Then I had my accident and my working life came to a screeching halt. Fortunately, I bought the house and car for cash a few months before so those were two big expenses off the board.
Social Security was enough but didn't leave much for extras, so I became an expert at surviving, and even enjoying, cheap booze. Amazingly, there a few diamonds in the Stygian depths of bottom-shelf drinking.
One example is Seagram's Vodka. I can get 1.75 for about $17 - it even comes in a glass bottle! - and Seagram's has been very well reviewed in Swollen Liver Magazine, the Bible of cheap booze. Personally, I find that the two major ingredients of top-shelf vodka are A) grain alcohol and B) hype. Seagram's for me!
Gin is another thing altogether. Drinking cheap gin is like stuffing a stick of dynamite in your ear and touching it off. It's degradation-in-a-bottle. As Eric Idle once said, "Six bottles of this and they're really fishing guys out of the sewers."
But, even there some gems exist. The Gods have decreed that Gordon's, Burnett's and (old friend) Seagram's will mix very well with tonic, especially the way I make G&T: a shot in a 16 oz A&W Root Beer mug, then filled to the top with tonic. So for someone who still retains the tattered remnants his dignity - ie someone who won't drink Barton's - these three will do the trick.
Rum is a bit trickier, given the different kinds. My personal favorite is Flor de Cana from Nicaragua, but it's somewhat pricey. I also enjoy Plantation from Barbados. However, I don't care for Barbancourt from Haiti. Rhum agricole isn't for me.
My opinion is that Puerto Rico and Virgin Island rums are weak in the poop. I'm told that Bacardi and Castillo are the same rum poured into different bottles, but Castillo sells for less. That says something about Bacardi and Castillo, and I'm not sure that's an altogether good something.
Spiced or flavored rum all taste like cough syrup to me. And Captain Morgan looks like he'd buy you a drink and when you came to you'd be a cabin boy on a ship bound for Tortuga. I can skip his rum AND the sea cruise.
Everyday rums, not costing a fortune but not paying a $10 a bottle Hype Tax, are around. Appleton's from Jamaica is great for me.
And I've had a soft spot for Mt. Gay ever since an old girlfriend of mine brought me a bottle when she came back from vacation on Barbados. She told me about having had "a lover" while she was there - she said she would probably have a fling before she left - but lost her mind when she found out I slept with her best friend while she was away. Go figure.
So, I have no money, no taste and, most importantly, no class. Therefore, I can happily drink Johnny Walker Red. With the money I save I can get at least two more frozen pizzas a month!
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ersonally I Prefer Dark (jamaican) to the light Puerto Rican)
