I hate to make enemies of the kids...

I have seen so menny lives laid to totle ruin some on just weed and others who moved on to bigger badder stuff.I was no angel belive me my brother a biker and veitnam vet 17 years older than me paved the way.
When I was still in the stroller my brother and his freinds daily filled my bottle with Oly and Coors.I was allready drinking through grade school and could hold down a shot of 151 rum by the 4th grade.Along with pot and menny phycodelics.By the time I turned 21 I was trying to stop drinking,I still do but much less now.But I don't do drugs and even have to watch how menny Rock stars or even coffees I drink or I can't sleep.
Everything we do has both good and bad effects on our minds and bodys.I won't go into details but we lived in a very leave it to Beaver middle class neibor hood and when my brother and his club would stop by the hole front of our house had more bikes than a biker bar.Some times more than a hundred bikes would stop before going on a run. As a kid I rode on the sholders of 300lb. monsters covered in tatoos,had water fights with them,drank and smoked and even went on short rides with them. Only a few of those guys are still around now.
 
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It is tough to raise your own kid and live through the teen years. To coexist with a step teen?
Eeeyow!
I wish you both peace.
 
treserious said:
tough love is sometimes the only way to go,
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it certainly can work but it can also take a bad situation and make it much worse. I think most times "tough love" is used as a justification for one's actions.
In this case it was the actions of the OP that caused the strife and him "getting tough" will only escalate friction.
Best bet is to get the "players " to family counseling, I'll bet the advise of a professional would be dramatically different than the OP would think.
 
mjennens said:
What's gonna matter twenty years from now; the electric bill or your relationship with your stepson?
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i've attempted to reply to this thread a few times,like some others who have posted i have some experience with a similar situation,and i will attempt to put a bit of a different angle forward...the bit of mjennens post that i've quoted above struck me as important in this and something you should really think about...

in my case it's been closer to 25 years,my Mom is still married to her idiot husband,and i have no relationship with either one of them...his inept meddling in parenting had me walk my ass out the door long before i was 18,and i never looked back.. i was and am my fathers son.but my mother is a virtual stranger these days..so i gotta ask..do you love your wife?do you think she loves her son?i know my mom has been greatly hurt by this stuff over the years....after 25 years it's still not fixed,and it just never will be...be careful where you step my friend
 
Your going to have to earn the respect of these kids, you can't just take it. If you have to lock the water heater off... then they don't respect you.

Also, hot water for an hour a day is ludicrous. If you can in fact put in a new water heater that saves a 100/mo for a few hundred bucks your looking at under 6 months return on investment... regardless of whether you own the place or not.

Authoritarian rule is not working for you, and the definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over again with the same result. Might be time to try a different angle.

Hang in there dude, sounds like these kids really need you though... .

Evan
 
tshoejohn said:
I suggest a bit of caution with the 18 year old. True he may just be lazy and the only important thing is the next party, but he may also have some degree of emotional issues. The fact that he is 18 and has no job (I assume he is done with high School and not going to college yet), drinking excessively and smoking weed. If there are issues then maybe a mix of “Tough Love” and some kind of counseling would be beneficial.
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What I meant by “Tough Love” was something like he can’t stay here if the behavior continues and present him with the idea of counseling. I think professional help or at least a professional assessment of the situation, if possible, is the best solution. The fact that you created the OP to begin with suggests that you are looking for help with these problems. The way I see it is that you have two choices:

1. Continue on the current path, which with all indications so far, things will only get worse.:thumbsdn:

2. Do your best to seek professional help with your stepson AND the rest of the family. :thmbsp: I am certain that you will find answers far beyond the scope of this thread (which I bet is just the tip of the iceberg)

I wish you the best of luck with whatever you end up doing!
 
the misinformation regarding marijuana in this thread is the only depressing thing about it, some people cant handle responsible drug use, and they should not use it.

however lots of people can handle it responsibly and there should be no reason why they should not be allowed to do so. just because some people are drunks and end up with liver failure shouldn't mean beer should be banned.

anyone who believes a US government funded study about recreational drugs is a moron, look at a country like Holland where they do unbiased studies on the subject and find the pro's are as numerous as the cons. for some people smoking a little green is a great way to relax. some people get paranoid. if you do, stop smoking it. but don't talk down on things you don't fully understand.
 
$200 a month? That's it? Putting a padlock on the circuit breaker box for the hot water heater? You have got to be kidding me. Extreme? Yes. Sheesh. Maybe there's more to the story that I don't care to read in 5 pages of posts but to me, that's just ludicrous.
 
AltecDarpa said:
the misinformation regarding marijuana in this thread is the only depressing thing about it, some people cant handle responsible drug use, and they should not use it.

however lots of people can handle it responsibly and there should be no reason why they should not be allowed to do so. just because some people are drunks and end up with liver failure shouldn't mean beer should be banned.

anyone who believes a US government funded study about recreational drugs is a moron, look at a country like Holland where they do unbiased studies on the subject and find the pro's are as numerous as the cons. for some people smoking a little green is a great way to relax. some people get paranoid. if you do, stop smoking it. but don't talk down on things you don't fully understand.
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I think you forgot the whole point here. He is living in the USA NOT in Holland.

Last time I checked, marijuana was illegal unless deemed ok under a doctors order. That includes every other drug over or under the counter deemed illegal.

Just because one thinks a drug is safe to use (even occasionally) does not make it legal. If you don't want to follow the laws put in place then you seriously need to think about moving. I'm not saying every law is perfect either.
 
A Note From the Forum Moderator:

As ill-advised as it was from the outset, the thread is about family problems, not DOPE.

All of you who jump at any off-hand mention of marijuana to start your soap-box oratory on the pros and cons of it need to find another website to carry on this tedious and tiresome (AND OFF TOPIC) debate. Next dope post sends this one into the abyss forever and ever.
 
Take him bowling, and turn down the thermostat.

You're never going to be his father, but you can be like a friend, or mentor if he trusts you.
 
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