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Joke Thread?

. One day an old Irishman is sitting at a table attempting to pass along some life wisdom to a small boy and says,

“You see this table laddie. I built it with me own hands over 30 years ago. A fine sturdy table it is. But do they call me O’Grady the table maker? No – I don’t think so.

And that fence out there. I built that stone fence by hand laying stone by stone. Took me two years and it’s been standing for 22 years now against all mother nature could throw at it. And do they call me O’Grady the fence maker? Nope – I don’t think so.

I also built that warf you see. Truly the finest warf around. Just ask the fisherman. So do they call me O’Grady the warf builder? Absolutely not!

But ya screw just one sheep and………….
 
Last edited:
Army said:
Let's get back too the jokes please, I've had a really bad day :worried:
No i'm not going to tell you how bad a day, but lets' just say I need my friends to come thru :smoke:
Regards
Army
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Uh-oh. Someone must have bought a pair of AR9s for $300 in the next block over from Army. :D
 
Yamaha B-2 said:
Uh-oh. Someone must have bought a pair of AR9s for $300 in the next block over from Army. :D
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:yikes:







:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

No a little worse than that...

But I won't burden you with it :smoke:

Todays a better day :thmbsp:

Cheers
Army
 
Thanks LV


Why was 6 mad at 7 ?

Because 7....... 8....... 9




You guys have a good one :thmbsp:
 
I'm looking for a manual for the piece pictured here on the bottom. Seems to power up but signals fluctuate greatly, then stable when small pink light flashes. [2min. intervals] Is it me?



OnOff.jpg
 
Kurtkckc said:
I'm looking for a manual for the piece pictured here on the bottom. Seems to power up but signals fluctuate greatly, then stable when small pink light flashes. [2min. intervals] Is it me?
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Exellent :banana: :banana: Very funny!! :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: I will show my daughter and wife. I know they will like. :naughty:
 
Kurtkckc said:
I'm looking for a manual for the piece pictured here on the bottom. Seems to power up but signals fluctuate greatly, then stable when small pink light flashes. [2min. intervals] Is it me?
Click to expand...

I had a similar unit. Worked fine for 21 days, then, for 7 or so days it was extremely sensitive. One little touch caused overheating, erratic behaviour, excessive noise or it just stopped responding at all. Ignoring it caused even more trouble.....
 
Two couples were playing poker one evening. John
accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he
bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed
Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her
dress!


Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up
again, hit his head on the table and emerged
red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some
refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anythingthat you liked under there?"

Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, " Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500."


After taking a minute or two to assess the financial
and moral costs of this offer, John confirms that he
is interested. She tells him that since her husband
Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John
should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.


When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's
house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed
sum of $500 they went to the bedroom and closed their
transaction, as agreed. John quickly dressed and left.


As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon
entering the house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John
come by the house this afternoon?"
With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes, he
did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon."

Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband
curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?"
In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out
and after mustering her best poker face, replied,
"Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500."

Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his
wife by saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. John came
by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me.
He promised me he'd stop by our house this
afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player! :naughty:
 
The McCartney kids are at the family ranch anxiously awaiting news of their mother.

Paul emerges from his wife's bedroom.

"Kid's......there's good news and bad news."

"The bad news is your mother's strength and will to live has been sucked away by her awful disease and she died a few moments ago"

"The good news is.... It's steak and chips for dinner!"
 
ckelly said:
The McCartney kids are at the family ranch anxiously awaiting news of their mother.

Paul emerges from his wife's bedroom.

"Kid's......there's good news and bad news."

"The bad news is your mother's strength and will to live has been sucked away by her awful disease and she died a few moments ago"

"The good news is.... It's steak and chips for dinner!"
Click to expand...

Way over the line.
 
:D
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A
small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the
birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The birch says he cannot tell.

Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if
that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is
neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the
best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

Wipe that smile off your face. :smoke:
 
^gotta love a clean, dirty sounding joke^

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

Thanks I needed a yuck or two :thmbsp:

Cheers
Army
 
No joke...

Two things Navy SEALS are always taught:
> > >
> > > 1) Keep your priorities in order
> > > 2) Know when to act without hesitation
> > >
> > >
> > > A college professor, an avowed atheist and active in
> > > the ACLU, was teaching
> > > his class. He shocked several of his students when
> > > he flatly stated that for
> > > once and for all he was going to prove there was no
> > > God. Addressing the
> > > ceiling he shouted:
> > >
> > > "GOD, if you are real, then I want you to knock me
> > > off this platform. I'll
> > > give you exactly 15 minutes!!!!!"
> > >
> > > The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin
> > > drop. Ten minutes went
> > > by.
> > >
> > > " I'm waiting God, if you're real knock me off this
> > > platform!!!!"
> > >
> > > Again after 5 minutes, the professor taunted God
> > > saying,
> > >
> > > "Here I am, God!!! I'm still waiting!!!"
> > >
> > > His count down got down to the last couple of
> > > minutes when a SEAL, just
> > > released from the Navy after serving in Afghanistan
> > > and Iraq and newly
> > > registered in the class, walked up to the Professor.
> > > The SEAL hit him full
> > > force in the face, and sent the Professor tumbling
> > > from his lofty platform.
> > >
> > >
> > > The Professor was out cold!! The students were
> > > stunned and shocked. They
> > > began to babble in confusion. The SEAL nonchalantly
> > > took his seat in the
> > > front row and sat silent. The class looked at him
> > > and fell
> > > silent.....waiting. Eventually, the professor came
> > > to and was noticeably
> > > shaken. He looked at the SEAL in the front row. When
> > > the professor regained
> > > his senses and could speak he asked:
> > >
> > > "What the hell is the matter with you?! Why did you
> > > do that!?"
> > >
> > > "God was really busy protecting America's soldiers,
> > > who are protecting your
> > > right to say stupid **** and act like an asshole!!!
> > > So he sent me!!"
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > ONE NATION UNDER GOD!!!
 
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is knocking and yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?



Your dog. He will shut-up when comes in.
 
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