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Looking while listening

tubeboob

tubeboob

Super Member
My wife complains that I never help her or otherwise interact with her when I'm listening to music.

It goes like this, I am accused of sitting down, in the middle of the chair, looking at the amplifier while listening.

I tried to explain that I love to sit in the sweet spot, in between the speakers.

I tried to explain that I don't want to miss a thing from the sound.

I tried to explain that I love to see those tubes glow.

I tried to explain . . . she just doesn't listen to me . . . that's it, she does not listen to or interact with me.

Whaddyathink?

Cheers
 
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Some people perceive music only as background. They just don't get it that it takes concentration to really listen -unless they're doing the talking.
My ex didn't get it that music could be the focus of anyone's attention, even at a live concert. She would always talk over it, or in the car or at home, tell me to turn it down. She'd run CNN in every room with a TV, all day, without really paying attention.
My new life is much better.
 
I've been married 25 years. One of the very first times I was over at her apartment while dating I turned on her MCS receiver, put on a record, turned the lights down, and sat on the sofa at the sweet spot.

She thought I was trying to be romantic, until I told her to sssh so I could hear how her stereo sounded.

She married me anyway. 25 years later, still sitting in the living room, in the sweet spot, telling her to ssssh so I can hear the sound.

Go figure.

I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess.

Just haven't felt the need to change yet!
 
I understand what you're doing. I do it to.

And she's probably right.
When you're sitting there, lost in your own little world, I very much doubt that you're helpful. Or fun. Or even marginally interesting.

If you're going to have a relationship, you have to actually be present sometimes.
 
Naptown Rob said:
I understand what you're doing. I do it to.

And she's probably right.
When you're sitting there, lost in your own little world, I very much doubt that you're helpful. Or fun. Or even marginally interesting.

If you're going to have a relationship, you have to actually be present sometimes.
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Doesnt the same room count? :D
 
Naptown Rob said:
I understand what you're doing. I do it to.

And she's probably right.
When you're sitting there, lost in your own little world, I very much doubt that you're helpful. Or fun. Or even marginally interesting.

If you're going to have a relationship, you have to actually be present sometimes.
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Agreed.
My partner & I are also guardians of each others' music-listening solitude.
 
This kinda reminds me of an old Seinfeld episode. Elene, or whatever her name was, was dating this guy that would shut her off whenever "Desperado" came on the radio. While the guy was portrayed as a bit of a loon, I was actually relating to him while watching the show. I would go as far as to say I was a bit put back. How dare they downplay the value of really enjoying the high that only really listening to good music can provide. :)

The next time she comes in complaining, hand her a joint and tell her to stare at the pretty lights. That should buy you 10 minutes of sweet spot time.

Just my two pesos.
 
My ex-wife was like that, however I now have a girlfriend who loves music as much as I do so we have to have good systems in The lounge, the Bedroom, the "Music room" which is where we create music together, we are both musicians.
When I am lying in the middle of the bed with music going she knows Im listening to something or in the sweet spot in the lounge, she knows whats going on, and when Ive finished listening I can usually hear music coming from one of the other rooms, because she is doing it too. Listening................
Life is good.............
 
Balance is needed. You can't withdraw from her for long periods of time, and you have to be able to help her when she really needs it and occasionally when she doesn't. By the same token, she needs to recognize that sometimes you need your own time to be undisturbed if possible also. Would she demand that you talk to her if you were sitting and reading a book? What about her? Does she read a book, or get involved in a TV show where she doesn't want to have a conversation while reading or watching?
 
Naptown Rob said:
I understand what you're doing. I do it to.

And she's probably right.
When you're sitting there, lost in your own little world, I very much doubt that you're helpful. Or fun. Or even marginally interesting.

If you're going to have a relationship, you have to actually be present sometimes.
Click to expand...

Well said. A relationship requires input from both parties to sustain it's self. I do the same while listening, but try to do it when I'm at home alone. It's less disturbing to both of us and has been for almost 28 yrs.
Regards,
Jim
 
If you come home, turn on the stereo and plop down - you have a problem.

If you tak to her fist for 30 minutes about the day, hug her and then tell her you want to listen to music for one hour, and she should stay out of the room, your good to go. IF you stick to the hour and then do something like hug her again. :beerchug:

Ya have to balance it. Ask her for a favorite song from when she was 15, or some tape with a spoken story - even kids stories. Its so cute when suddeenly they are fiddling around with the knobs and stuff. Its a great picture to see your girl AND your equipement at once, + she is happy and smiling..

Put something nice and slow on the reel to reel and some candles, its gonna work every time.
 
jimfet said:
Make her get involved. Tell her to go get you beers while you are listening.
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:D I think a better idea is to brainwash her mind with a stereophille treatment.
Anyway, don't be so implied in this auditions. After few years it's possible to loose her because she can find another guy ready to listen her.
 
ev13wt said:
If you come home, turn on the stereo and plop down - you have a problem.

If you tak to her fist for 30 minutes about the day, hug her and then tell her you want to listen to music for one hour, and she should stay out of the room, your good to go. IF you stick to the hour and then do something like hug her again. :beerchug:

Ya have to balance it. Ask her for a favorite song from when she was 15, or some tape with a spoken story - even kids stories. Its so cute when suddeenly they are fiddling around with the knobs and stuff. Its a great picture to see your girl AND your equipement at once, + she is happy and smiling..

Put something nice and slow on the reel to reel and some candles, its gonna work every time.
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This is fantastic advice. Even though my gf is nowhere near as critical with music as I can be, and she doesn't enjoy the higher volumes I do at times, she still likes music. So I use this. sometimes when i'm listening and she's around, I tell her to pick some songs, or if she's up, i'll tell her to turn on the equipment. Not just because I'm too lazy, but because it's cute when she's looking over all the equipment, trying to remember which ones I turn on, and get everything right. I love that. Another great thing is taking some of her favorite songs and playing them, then watching her face as she hears the song come to life, like it never did on her little iPod clock radio. lol Even though she's not into my hobby, I try to find a way to share it with her without forcing it on her. While as the man you should have a bit of thoughtfulness and not ditch her for your hobby, she can also meet you half way and try to find a mutual interest in your hobby. It's probably because I'm ridiculously sentimental, but I wouldn't enjoy my stereo gear or anything as much without someone to share it with.
 
cgutz said:
I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess.
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