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Recap on life..

dusty42701

dusty42701

Super Member
Thought it was about time to vent. It will probably be good for me anyway.
Last day of school is just 3 days away. Am I going to pass? No, absolutely not. I'm not going to be a senior next year. I'm already in summer school to make up English II, and I am about to lose out on 3 more classes. English III has a big project due, that I didn't get done. US History is about to be gone too, seeing as I just bombed the final, only scoring a 67. Music Theory has a big 500 point final grade, a composition project, which was due last Friday, I still don't have it done.
I have problems.
I have no drive to do any sort of homework, no motivation. It's been like this for as long as I can remember. I got used to it somehow, and now I just don't care about anything any more, which isn't good either.
So yay, I have four failing grades...No different that usual, but now it means more.

Friends? Well, I was an idiot in middle school so I sure earned myself a reputation. All the friends I talk to I can count on one hand. The ones I can actually tell everything to? Maybe one or two.

Past is the past? That's a lie because reputations last forever.

Also, my ex girlfriend wants me back, but I don't know what to do. We used to date for just about a year, then she left me for another guy, which left me all torn up inside. I gave her another chance before but she just did it again. Now it's been over a year and a half since we talked, and she wants to give it another go. I don't know how much she has changed over that time because I haven't talked to her. I told her I wanted to wait and see. I'm also looking to date someone else, which I will get to.
I'm still facing problems with depression and I beat myself up over the things I do wrong all the time. I try to cover up my true feelings most of the time, but I have been letting a few people know lately. Some days it just isn't there. Others, it just hits like a brick wall. I have tried all kinds of things to make myself feel better. I don't want outside help either. I don't want to go on drugs or have some "therapist" ask me how things make me feel. But I have found a key. Everything in my life seems to revolve around this one girl. Most beautiful girl I have seen in my life and also the absolute sweetest. I could only compare her to an angel. She is the only one who can make me feel better, even in the worst of it all, just by the light of her smile.
Of course, I want to get closer to her in terms of a relationship, but you know how that goes. She is with another guy, and they have been dating for almost 2 years. How can I compete with that? Even if I were to ask, I know what the answer would be...no..because shes taken.

I didn't want to have you read an hour long story so I super-summarized it all, but everything just seems downhill at this point and I see no sign of an upward slope anywhere.
So here I sit, letting my feelings flow to the sound of Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley.
Comments, questions welcome.
Might as well let someone know what I'm about.
 
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Don't get all caught up in a girl, especially one that is taken.
Been there, done that, it is not worth your time.
Find something you are really passionate about and get involved in that.
I know you don't want to see a shrink but I was in a similar state and I was diagnosed with something called melancholic depression, where you lose all motivation.
I was prescribed some medication and it has been working very well.
Anyway, just go do something that you like, and forget about the girl. There are billions of them out there.
 
School is not for everyone. I know from experience. Finding a vocation that grabs you and holds you can be a challenge. More important than the extra money you can make through schooling is feeling good about what you do.

Lar
 
Don't worry, I've got a great D- in Algebra one, not from not understanding it but not doing the homework. Oh, and you've got friends, you're pretty lucky to have those.
 
Don't take back the ex GF. She screwed you over twice already..... she'll do it again. How do I know? People very very VERY rarely change. She's pretty much shown you who she is already. Accept that fact and skip over her.
 
Ohighway said:
Don't take back the ex GF. She screwed you over twice already..... she'll do it again. How do I know? People very very VERY rarely change. She's pretty much shown you who she is already. Accept that fact and skip over her.
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+1.

She's the wrong girl.
 
I was head over heels with an unobtainable girl in high school. My feelings for her got in the way of me finishing high school on time. I had strong feelings for her for many years after. It was unhealthy. Nonetheless, I do understand where you are coming from and I know it is impossible to simply turn off those feelings. Perhaps try hard to have a little balance though, and realize that you have to take care of yourself first before anyone worthwhile will want to be with you.

I won't get into a debate on the merits of medication, but I will say that you may well find that talking to a good therapist can be extremely helpful. All a good therapist will do is help you to understand yourself better, and once you understand yourself you can start to address the things that keep you from being happy. We all make mistakes. There's a big difference between learning from those mistakes and beating ourselves up over those mistakes. A good therapist will help you do more learning and less beating. Go. Really.
 
Your story reminds me a lot of myself when I was in later high school, low grades, even lower motivation, undiagnosed depression only had a few friends, (except I didn't even have an ex-girlfriend). My advice for what it is worth, get help. Talking to a professional helps, medication helps, hell even talking to us helps.

This is the most important thing; you are at the start of your life, the whole world is waiting for you
 
Man, it's tough, but don't go for those girls who are already taken. I know it's easy to say, but listen to Byrd, he's right. You just make it hard on yourself going for those unobtainium girls.

You gotta find something you really like, something you care about. Audio? Play an instrument? Get some positive vibes from that, and it should flow into the rest of your life, eventually.
 
Ah, most of that sounds all too familar, as i've encountered almost exactly those feelings, though different. In my case, I typically have very good grades, graduating and all...but I rarely care about doing the work, I get it done, usually last minute. I somewhat think it stems from me not doing it for myself, if that makes sense...I keep up my grades because my parents, really...they really grinded on me in high school. That's just my personal experiance, when I really like doing something it's whole-hog, but otherwise, meh.

Difficult stuff, though...I try to stay busy somehow, otherwise the time and rumination will creep up on you. I share your feelings on Therapist and drugs (highly uncomfortable, moreso with time), my friend went/is going to one every know and then, it seemed to help him...so who knows? The biggest advice, which i'm completely unqualified to present, is to find a different crux, don't consider the girl a goal which all things hinge on...and I wouldn't go back to the other, either. Personally, that kind of stuff has caused me more trouble than help (really long story).

Anyway, I don't have much advice worth posting, but I hope things improve...honestly, I could have written nearly the same thing with just a couple details different...the best thing is you wrote it out, often just putting it out there helps:yes:

caddisgeek said:
This is the most important thing; you are at the start of your life, the whole world is waiting for you
Click to expand...

Absolutely a good point, one i've considered many times...though i'll keep my words to myself, i'm hitting the cusp of that threshold, stressfull, but i'm hoping the outcome works in the long term.
 
.....Dusty, I just don't understand you and Compgeke not being able to do homework and prepare papers and projects due on a certain date....or why y'all can't study right for tests....have young people nowadays got to where they can't stand to be alone studying with the I-phone turned off?....Dusty, at this point, you're a shoe-in for digging ditches at 7 bucks an hour, and that's not thrilling news for any girl, you need to wake up....are your parents aware you're blowing off school?....are you sure you shouldn't try a monitored medication?....I believe you're carrying a serious load of situational depression, young man....situational depression usually doesn't require medication for life, just for a troubled season of regrouping.....
 
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Dude, you are a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for. You know exactly what your problems are, and willing to bet you know the answers too. So what to do? That's the tricky part. Step back, look at yourself as if it was your best friend. Give (yourself) advice that will help get things on the road to recovery. Then the hard part, take the advice.
What's done is behind you and there's no changing it. But from this moment on, you are large and in charge. One day at a time, make your life better.
It's real easy to say and real hard to do but you don't have a choice. Good luck. We care.
 
I know the feeling Dusty. I'm entering my third year of university (college) this coming September. I'm currently enrolled in an engineering program which is structured like so :

- 1 year of common / core engineering classes (placement into specialization depends on your GPA), then
- 3 years of engineering classes specific to your specialization (optional 1 year co-op)

My first year was rough. I flunked two courses and obtained a whole lot of C / C-, one B and one B+ (the classes with B / B+ were design classes...everyone did well in them so there's little to be proud of there). My overall GPA at the end of the year was below 2.0 (on a 4.0 scale). Because of these two items, I was put on academic probation which also meant that I did not get a placement. The university gave me an extra year to re-do the courses I flunked as well as to obtain at least a 2.0. Like you, I felt there was no hope in continuing. Everyone around me got the placement they wanted and were advancing into second year. I was held back. Those were dark days in all of my academic years and I knew that if I did not straighten out and do bad again in the second year, I would be kicked from the faculty.

School just finished a month ago for me. I did much better this year. I'm sure that others can give you pointers on how they coped with school. I'm no good at giving pointers :no: but I hope you'll feel better knowing that there are others out there who have gone down a similar path. It's a path that you can definitely get yourself off of.
 
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At one point or another we've all been there... and if someone claims they haven't been there then I would argue they are missing out on some of the most important learning about one's self they can do.

So here's what I've learned:
Don't worry about the grades. Are decent grades important? Sure, but my boss never asks me how I did in algebra (D), instead she asks how my current projects are going. (just fine, thanks)

Forget about the old girl, she messed with you twice, it's not worth taking her back in.

While it's exceptionally hard to do, try to get past the new girl too.

Talk to someone about this who isn't on an internet forum. A good therapist will do much more than simply ask how you feel, but help you come to understand how you are in these situations... if you still don't want a therapist, find someone, a teacher, clergy, mentor, friend etc and just talk. You'll be surprised how un-burdened you'll feel after you get it off your chest. (your school might even have some resources for this type of thing you can look into)
 
grillebilly said:
Dude, you are a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for. You know exactly what your problems are, and willing to bet you know the answers too. So what to do? That's the tricky part. Step back, look at yourself as if it was your best friend. Give (yourself) advice that will help get things on the road to recovery. Then the hard part, take the advice.
What's done is behind you and there's no changing it. But from this moment on, you are large and in charge. One day at a time, make your life better.
It's real easy to say and real hard to do but you don't have a choice. Good luck. We care.
Click to expand...

What he said. The first step in any 12 step program is acknowledgement of the problem.

I'll add to the masses that recommend avoiding the ex. You already know where that will end up, spare yourself the distraction and heart break.

As for the 'perfect' girl, I'd also recommend not chasing somebody that's already taken, however, you might also use her as motivation. What's her current boyfriend like? Failing all his classes, non motivated? How might you improve yourself to attract that kind of woman? Set some goals. Normally I wouldn't recommend dependency on any other individual, but in this case, if you're looking for proper motivation, use it.

Finally, how many texts do you send/receive on your cell phone every day? Emails? Turn the damn thing off while you're supposed to be studying. Every time you look at one of them it's a 10 minute distraction. Damned things should be banned from schools, and school aged people.

bs
 
I just recently broke up with my girlfriend of almost one year (about 2 weeks shy actually..) after she cheated on me. ****.. Life sucks man, and I know what you mean about lack of motivation. Im just a freshman in college, and Im not ready to feel the emotions I'm feeling right now, but I just gotta power through 'em i guess.. But spinning vinyl sure helps, and reconnecting with old friends too.. But yeah life can sure suck at times, but I guess my point is (if this post even has a point) that people care about you man. People here on the forums and people back in your life. Ive found friendship here that I never thought possible, I found friendship off the forums too that I never though possible after the breakup. My advice for you now is to forget about the old girlfriend, that's what I'm trying to do too. She isn't worth your time at all. And the other girl, I guess it doesn't hurt to be friends with her, but don't count on ever winning her over her current boyfriend. Its hard to compete with something like that. I have had girls that I have aspired to be with who were already taken at the time, and now they are some of the closest friends I have. My final point is to enjoy your summer, and take it easy. Nothing is more important than taking some time off for yourself to sort out your feelings. But just remember that we are here for you and your friends back home are too.
 
A lot of solid advice here.
I agree on the advice of avoiding the ex. Leave her in the dust. There will be someone(or many someones :D) better in the future, trust me. I went though that in my late teens/early twenties. It is easy to leave when you are young, much harder when there are kids, mortgages, etc involved. The one I left behind is now divorced, and alone with three kids. She will probably end up with someone else, and carry on with the cheating. Me? I moved on, had a great time being single, and now have an amazing wife and daughter.

I also agree with the others on leaving the attached one alone. Even if she agreed to leave someone to be with you, would you really want to be with her, another cheater?

I had motivation issues in school myself. Towards the end, I hated it. But it is worth it to finish. Start fresh next year and get it done.:yes:

You say you disagree with "the past is the past"? I get that, but also know that eventually nobody will care what you did 5,10,15,20 years ago. If somebody down the road brings up some unimportant thing you've done in 2011, in 2031, they are a loser and don't deserve your time.

The "kicking back and enjoying summer, listening to music" comments are also spot on. But(and there is always a but), don't get stuck there. I know I can sit and enjoy music/movies/sports on tv with the best of them, but too much isn't good. It has the potential to introduce bad diet choices, and lethargy. Both of which can bring up depression issues. I know I sound like an old man when I say this(I'm not even 40 yet), but it is true. Getting out and doing something and being active is a good thing.

I also agree with the others who have mentioned looking for professional help. I(and others) can sit here and give advice, but a good pro will be better. Who knows, maybe there is an undiagnosed illness that needs to be attended to? I know there is one AK member who was diagnosed with Aspergers(sp?) at a late age. My wife teaches kids with it, and I can't imagine what it would be like trying to get through school with it.

Anyway, I hope this doesn't come across as too preachy, and I'm sorry it is kinda long winded. Hang in there and you'll be alright.:yes:
 
(Serious) You have to realize that any improvement you make in your life right now will multiply tenfold down the road. Which has the better chance of helping you attain that - school, or the girl?

(Not So Serious) Dump the chick and hit the books. Pretend that any A or B you get in a course will equate to an increase of either 25 points IQ or one cup size (depending on your tastes) of the next lovely lady you fall for. Heck of a goal, isn't it?
 
Fuggeddabout the old X...She AIN'T worth it. As for Ms. Unobtanium, I think EVERYBODY'S had one or 2 of those. I actually hooked up w/one, & trust me, she WASN'T worth it. Vain, conceited, petty, prissy...And those, along w/her 36Ds, & model-looks were her good points. I called "Calfrope !" when she had me $8K in debt, w/no end in sight. There'll be one come along for you, of that I'm sure. Maybe you'll get as lucky as I was w/my wife. And yeah, hoist thyself up by thine bootstraps, Young Jedi-Or Ol' Red'll hafta come & Put his Boot Up Yerazz....
 
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