Sanity Clause

[thedelihaus]

Chico: Hey, wait, wait. What does this say here? This thing here.

Groucho: Oh, that? Oh, that's the usual clause. That's in every contract. That just says uh, it says uh, "If any of the parties participating in this contract is shown not to be in their right mind, the entire agreement is automatically nullified."

Chico: Well, I don't know...

Groucho: It's all right, that's, that's in every contract. That's, that's what they call a 'sanity clause'.

Chico: Ha ha ha ha ha! You can't fool me! There ain't no Sanity Clause!

 

[Sandy G]

Viaduct ?

 

[old_tv_nut]

I didn't come here to be insulted!

 

[clydeselsor]

Let that be a lesson to you...

 

[ekmanning5]

...and two hard boiled eggs.

 

[mfhale]

Reminds me of a riddle I heard once:

You're going down the road in your 4-wheel drive canoe
And your wings fall off
How many pancakes does it take to shingle the roof of your doghouse?

 

[Switchblade]

(honk) ....and one duck egg.

 

[ekmanning5]

(honk) ....and one duck egg.

I had a premonition you'd show up.

 

[spiderhead69]

Since I''ve know you there's something I've been dying to ask you.....will you wash out a pair of socks for me?

 

[Switchblade]

I had a premonition you'd show up.

:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

[SAE2922]

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

 

[SAE2922]

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... Now you tell me what you know.

I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.

 

[ozmoid]

A Night at the Opera - very classy, Deli.

My favorite:

Groucho is proposing to two women at once, and Mrs. Wittenhouse says "But Captain, that's bigamy!" to which Groucho replies: " Yeah, Lady - it's big o' ME, too."

 

[spiderhead69]

and who can't forget the famouse Captain Spalding talking about his trip to Africa.

..One morning I shot an elephant in my pyjamas, how he got in them, I'll never know...Of course, I should have shot him in Alabama, because in Alabama, the Tuscalousa...(Tusk Are Looser).....I love that one....

 

[Sandy G]

"Hooray for Captain Spaulding, the African Explorer,
"Did someone call me 'Schnorrer?'"
Hooray ! Hooray ! Hooray !
He went into the Jungle, where all the Monkeys throw nuts-
"If I stay here I'll go nutz-"
Hooray ! Hooray ! Hooray !"....

 

[ozmoid]

:sing: (Spaulding)
This fact I emphasize with stress,
I never take a drink unless - Somebody's buying.

(All)
The Captain is a very moral man.

(Jamison)
If he hears anything obscene, He'll naturally repel it.

(Spaulding)
I hate a dirty joke I do,
Unless it's told by someone who -
Knows how to tell it.

(All)
The Captain is a very moral man.
Hooray for Captain Spaulding...

 

[SA-708]

"Let our joy be unconfined. Let there be dancing in the streets, drinking in the saloons, and necking in the parlor."

 

[ozmoid]

"Before I speak, I have something important to say. "

 

[ozmoid]

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."

 

[ozmoid]

"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."