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why can't i ever Just find a Girlfreind?

R

RaymondLeggs

Super Member
Banned
I am 18 years old and I have NEVER dated a girl before or really gotten to know a girl as more than little friends or good freinds.

I get really nervous around girls and I have trouble with conversations around srangers and some people I do especially girls.

Sometimes I will see a girl I am attracted to I will go up to her and try to talk to her but I'll freeze up and ruin everything. and tthey'll say that "they can't do this" or I have a boyfreind or that I am too old for them.

I really dont want to be freinds first and I feel that I have to date before i am 20 and I am kind of attracted to younger looking girls and girls that are under 20.

I do want to try to be freinds if that's what it takes but I don't want to wait for a certain special moment so that frustrates me even more.

Sometimes I clearly do get frustrated with the girl or myself

I am african american but I am not attracted to african american women.
girls of all types do want to be my freinds and thus I do talk to some girls but it is awkward to be just freinds with someone I am attracted to.
 
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I think your trouble is you're trying too hard. Be yourself and let them find you. I met my wife by ignoring her and it drove her crazy enough to chase me. FWIW, my father always told me the best hunters don't have to hunt.
 
Go hang out at places that you like and have fun, and you'll meet someone who likes the same stuff and is there to have fun. Then just concentrate on being friends, and don't rush anything. It'll happen when it happens.
 
Let old speakerlust help you here .... I was lucky because I was raised with 4 older sisters so I knew how to talk to girls right off the bat. I had a girlfriend in 1st grade and so on ... When I was a teen, my sisters set me up with all of their friends. They just kept doing that and I kept getting girlfriends. I noticed that women liked to be talked to just like talking to a guy, except without the swearing. I have rehearsed things to say that I repeat over and over ..... and over and over .... little jokes ... and it works great !!! ....
I say, never try to trick a woman or try to get her in the sack. Also, if you are wanting a particular woman real bad and you do not even know her, that is not love. Remember, nature has our bodies geared up to procreate just like a cat or a jackrabbit, so it's normal to want to pair up with someone, it's the way nature intends things. I say find a girl that you are not at all attracted to first and just start talking to her like you would anyone else.
Get comfortable with her and let her get comfortable with you. Pick a female, maybe even a relative such as a cousin or a sister and hang out a little bit with her. If you ever hope to marry oneday, you'll need to learn to communicate well with a female. I have had two long term relationships with gorgeous women that ended well. In both cases, we just grew apart, but I just saw one of my totally hot exe's yesterday and we hung out a little bit.
I was teaching her to drive off-road per her request. I really enjoy women and I have had a great deal of fun with them. I think that it is important to say that looking for a friend in a woman is much more fulfilling than a one night stand as well. I know that I'll catch a little flack from some of my earlier threads here, but I speaketh the truth grasshopper ... Never go looking for a one night stand, always have good intentions with a woman and you'll do well. Do not be afraid to speak your feelings with women as well, they not only like it, real men have the guts to talk about how they feel. I hope that this helps a little my friend, and I hope that you find oneday, a very fine woman that you'll spend maybe even the rest of your life with ....... Speakerlust .......
 
Date them if you can. Just don't marry any of them. Stay single. Otherwise it's "nag, nag, nag, turn down the noise, what? another piece of junk from the GW? That's all we need around here is more junk!! Can't you find another hobby?"
Get the picture. But good luck dating. It's more fun when you are young.
 
hpsenicka said:
You do realize that you are posing a dating/relationship question in a forum for audio geeks.
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That was the first thing that sprang to my mind, too.

Eh. 18 is pretty young yet. I didn't hardly date at all in high school. Hopefully you're gearing up for college. That will expose you to a brand new crop of girls that haven't seen you grow through your "awkward stage" (I'm still waiting to grow out of mine :D).

Nervousness in social situations, especially involving girls, is something that, I hate to say it, can only be overcome by practice. Don't put too much emphasis on any one encounter. Rejection is never fun, but it's miles ahead of kicking yourself over not making an effort and after a while, it gets marginally easier.

I, too, am attracted to younger looking girls and girls under 20 (within reason, fellas! I'm only 24!) and I can tell you that it doesn't get any easier on that front the older you get. Strike while the iron's hot!

Women friends - It's great to have women friends, but solid inter-sex friendships happen IMHO because there's no romantic tension for whatever reason. "Friendships" that involve one person trying to bury a crush or playing the waiting game are bad crazymakers. Don't pretend you don't have feelings for a girl just because you can't have her. Try to deal with those feelings in sane, healthy ways.

Don't be in too much of a hurry, but don't be too caught up in self-doubt or waiting for the "ideal woman" (pfff!) to miss a good thing when it comes along. Guys with less experience tend to cast their nets too narrow.

After a while, getting dates becomes the easy part. Now if I were the type of guy to ask a vintage audio forum about forming healthy, lasting relationships...

Thankfully, I'm not!
 
It also helps to practice talking alot to people and learning not to get frustrated about dating someone. I was 15 and saw all of the other kids dating and getting lucky and I thought that there was something wrong with me for not getting lucky yet even though I had girlfriends. I made it a goal to get lucky and I did within a week or so. I felt like I was normal like the other kids after that and once I got started, I never let up. But it was really very boring, it wasn't like I thought it was at all. But falling in love with a woman is a whole different story. It's easy to think that all that you will ever need will come from a jump in the sack, but that is as much of an illusion as a flying peanut butter and jelly sandwich is. When you learn to really care about someone and they care about you ..... Well, for me ..... it just doesn't get any better than that ....... :banana::banana::banana:
 
Wigwam Jones said:
My advice to you is to begin drinking heavily. It only gets worse from here.
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Close. You're 18, probably in college or going to college. Join a fraternity! It has been scientificaly proven that it is impossible to live in a frat house and not get laid. Ask my old roommate! :thmbsp:
 
Here's what you do:

Hang out in front of a bridal shop. When you see what looks like a group of women who could be a bridal party walk up, start to weep or cry (it takes a little practice). One of them is bound to ask what's wrong. You tell them you were there to help your fiance pick out the bridesmaids dresses for your wedding, but she just called you on your cell phone and told you she has run off with your roommate, and they're on a flight to Tahiti.

It's amazing what sympathy will do for you.
 
A significant percentage of the communication between men and women is non-verbal in nature. Many people who feel awkward with certain types of social situations might be having trouble reading these non-verbal signals, or else they might be misinterpreting them. There's also the fact that a lot of the things that you believe are important factors in you making the right impression right now or even in deciding who you should try to approach could be way off. It can take experience and learning from mistakes to figure out what definitely isn't working for you.

I think the goal is that you want to gradually get out of your comfort zone enough to find someone that you can hit it off with smoothly and naturally. Going too far out of your comfort zone and doing something too forced and unnatural for you could backfire and discourage you. I think this simply translates into "be yourself" and "show yourself".
 
Gear up for college, try to get yourself straightened out education/employment-aspects wise. Not that a university degree is some kind of golden ticket, but it definitely helps. Join a frat if you're so inclined, marantzfan is spot on.

Not going to college? Having never been anywhere down that path myself, I can't help you there. I always knew I wanted to go, and it was pretty much my focus all through high school. Which explains why I didn't date much, either...

Going to far out of your comfort zone and doing something too forced and unnatural for you could backfire and discourage you.
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Quoted for yeah-I've-been-there-it's-unpleasant-and-awkward truth.
 
If you asked me that question when I was young I would have said, "Nail as many as you can, I did" .... But that is poor advice I realize now .... :banana:
 
bentpencil said:
Here's what you do:

Hang out in front of a bridal shop. When you see what looks like a group of women who could be a bridal party walk up, start to weep or cry (it takes a little practice). One of them is bound to ask what's wrong. You tell them you were there to help your fiance pick out the bridesmaids dresses for your wedding, but she just called you on your cell phone and told you she has run off with your roommate, and they're on a flight to Tahiti.

It's amazing what sympathy will do for you.
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OMG!!! LOL....Wasn't that a scene in "Animal House"? :lmao:
 
Drink, drink, drink. Stay away from women, unless you paid them. Their brains don't grow in until they're 30 anyway.

However, you won't listen to this advice. Because men's brains don't grow in until we're 40.
 
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