The Audio-Technica AT-VM95SH vertical tracking force is rated at 1.8 - 2.2 grams
To prevent skating outwards it seems I have to set it to about 3 grams
Is this too much?
Sorry, but I have no experience with that particular stylus, or any other Shibata for that matter, and I don't recall ever trying to use a tracking force outside the manufacturer's recommended range. I assume there must be some reason AT limited the tracking force to 2.2 grams. Possibly the extra weight causes a less-than-ideal angle to the stylus as it tracks the groove. Hopefully, someone more knowledgeable here will know.
I heard that "damage to the records" is a semi-debunked myth, but not sure
What do you think?
Studies have been carried out using test records, frequency response data, and microscopic examination. Record damage is real, though mild damage might not be very important. For example, studies I've read show that a small elliptical (e.g., .2 X .7 mil) caused no measurable deviation in frequency response at 1 gram, but there was high frequency fall-off at 1.5 grams along with groove damage that was visible under a microscope. Due to its larger contact area, a conical stylus caused about the same level of wear at 3 grams as the elliptical did at 1.5 grams. Some good news, though, was in this report from their listening tests, "The absolute evaluation of record wear must be made using program material. To perform this test a record was chosen which contained a great deal of high frequency energy at high modulation levels. The record was played 100 times with a 0.2-mil elliptical tip at 1.5 grams. This record was then compared on an A-B basis with a new record. Three expert listeners could not detect any difference between the two records." Another study reached a similar conclusion, "One final comment: some of the photomicrographs of record grooves shown here exhibit what might be judged to be really horrendous wear patterns, and one might reasonably expect that these would have a serious effect on the reproduced sound. Actually, even the most sensitive playback tests fail to bear out this expectation."
Your more recent post referenced a Reddit thread, and Pspatial Audio was mentioned. Another of Pspatial's articles included this rather comforting quote, "RCA had set a standard regarding accelerated life-testing of standard stereophonic discs and and expected the same results from quadraphonic discs. The standard was to play the test record 100 times with a conventional low-quality record player using a ceramic cartridge, tracking at 4.5g. After this "life-test", the record was expected to play faultlessly on a standard, high-quality setup."
https://pspatialaudio.com/snow_plough.htm
My personal experience is almost exclusively with elliptical and conical styli. My preference is to keep elliptical styli below 2 grams and to only use conicals at heavier tracking forces. I once did a casual record wear test using a conical DJ cartridge tracking at 3.25 grams on a Stanton DJ turntable with underhung arm design (so pretty high tracking angle error). I played one side of an album every morning for 100 consecutive mornings, and at the end I could hear no difference in sound quality between the played side and the previously unplayed side of that album, on either the Stanton turntable or on my Linn. With conicals, anyway, higher tracking forces don't give me any worries.