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Girl problems...

ryfox0276

ryfox0276

Active Member
First I want to apologize for this post, it will be a bit of a rant.

So I'm a Sophomore at Oregon State University living with three good guys off campus in a little house of our own. One of my roommates has a girlfriend who basically lives with us. Don't get me wrong, she is a really wonderful girl and I really enjoy having her around.. but she really gets on my nerves a lot.

I often find myself cleaning up after her, turning off lights, appliances, and my stereo because she always leaves things on. She never closes the gate in our backyard that leads to the ally behind our house. One of my roommates bikes was stolen from our backyard, probably because the gate was left wide open and someone just walked in and took the bike.

Today I was having a wonderful day (being single on Valentines day isn't fun so I'm surprised I made it this far still being in a good happy mood) but this evening she was in the kitchen making stir fry for my roommate. Being a broke ass college student, I cook many a stir fry and I've gotten pretty good at it. She was doing it all wrong and I was worried that she wasn't going to cook the chicken all the way through so I started helping her out and telling her she was doing everything all wrong (in hindsight maybe I shouldn't have said that..). That's when she flipped out at me and told me to leave.

I'm not really a man of confrontation, and people raising their voices out me and cussing me out really throws me off and leaves me shaking. So needless to say my good day turned into a not so great one.

So basically what I'm trying to get at is that this girl is crazy and as much as I love her and enjoy having her around, I equally can't stand having her around.

Whats more, she has come to me multiple times (sometimes in tears) about her relationship with my roommate. She has told me she wants to leave him multiple times, but every time at the end of the day she ends up back in bed with him.

What do you think I should do? Out of all my roommates, this guy is my go to bro for just about anything. I honestly don't think this girl is right for my roomie, but they have been dating for about a year and he is crazy about her and I don't want his heart to break. From experience, a broken heart is really one of the worst feelings a person can feel and I don't want that to happen to him.
 
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This is why you don't move in with your friends :(

It's a lot easier to tell somebody off when they aren't banging your broseph.

However, it might be time you sat down with your friend and talked about your issues with her. NOT their relationship. God no, don't go anywhere near the topic of his and her relationship. Just start a discussion about how she's driving you crazy and some things need to begin to change.
 
Stay out of their relationship, you'll just end up being the bad guy. If you and the gal can't get along then I'd seriously consider Mark W.'s advice.

If your friend really digs the gal then, IMO, when **** really hits the fan between you and her (and it will based on that you seem to resent her) you're almost certainly going to be the fall guy.
 
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Yep, the first thing is to look for another place. One cardinal rule: don't get involved in any relationship if it doesn't concern you. Its one thing to offer support and another to butt in their business. Both will have to learn for themselves.
 
Several questions need answering. Does the girlfriend contribute to house expenses? If not, why not? Was she going to feed you the uncooked chicken?
Are you sure you haven't got a hidden passion for your housemate, her boyfriend?
Don't bother answering. If your housemate can't get her to behave, or is simply too scared to try, move out. He's a dork too.
Before you share another house make sure rules are laid down first.
1. If lovers are going to stay more than one night a week they MUST contribute to the house costs and housework.
2. Decide early on who cooks what for who and who pays.
3. Make sure there's a list posted on the fridge door that instructs residents and overnight fu**s as to basic house rules such as. A: The back gate must be shut at all times. B: If you cook you clean up afterwards. C: When gentlemen urinate in the house toilet they should do so in it, not at it.
4. No parties to be sprung without the consent of all residents etc etc

In my days of house sharing one rule was to inform all residents if you'd taken a dose of LSD or equivalent. Sadly, or happily, these day's that's seldom a problem.
Good luck with the house hunting and never ever fall in love with a sloppy , undisciplined, undomesticated female like that one..
 
Put a spring on the gate so it closes by itself.
Put your stereo in your own room and put a lock on the door.
Put a sock in it.
Girl comes between the brothers is a classic case.
Where are the girlfriend's girlfriends ? ;)
 
I agree with talking to your bro about what's going on. Don't stick your nose in their relationship, but talk about what's bothering you that she does/doesn't do around the house. Also, from personal experience; don't tell a woman how to cook unless she asks. If she's basically living there, yes she should contribute, whether it be buying some groceries, cleaning up, or just helping around the house.

As well, have a house meeting and lay down some basic rules and expectations. If you're the non-confrontational kind just leave and let it be someone else's problem. Personally I would have put my foot down the first time I saw someone having their grubby hands on my stereo gear, but that's just me.


Good luck,
Steven
 
I'd find a new place to live.... Nothing is going to get better with a discussion.. It's only gonna make it worse... I've been there..
 
Been there, on both sides.

Don't get involved with their relationship issues. If she tries to bring it up, politely excuse yourself. If you're attracted to either of them, even in a "oh, I would never do that" sort of way, then think of baseball, cold showers, Margaret Thatcher, or whatever it takes. You'll also want to try to cultivate a love life outside the house and think of moving out.

Unless you're worried about your own safety in eating it, don't criticize her cooking. Apologize for your rude behavior. Retain the moral high ground.

Try to get housemate consensus for creation and enforcement of house rules that apply to everyone. This includes the possibility of sharing of house chores and expenses. If she's not officially living with you, rent may be a non-starter if she's still paying it somewhere else. That's okay. It's very important that you try not to be condescending or passive-aggressive in all this. You must tread very carefully not to appear to be the bad guy. You must tread very carefully not to be the bad guy.

Try to rise above it and don't sweat the small stuff: in happier times, it might be your girlfriend your mates have issues with.

Lastly, AK is a really poor place to ask for personal advice.
 
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You gotta ask yourself the question: is it so bad you want to find a new place? If so, how easy is it to find something? And can you afford it? If so, get out an d, preferably, get a place of your own.

If, however, you want to or have to stay there, do something about your frustrations before you explode (take it from me, been there, done it. Not adviseable.) There is a difference between a confrontation with raised voices or a good talk about things that annoy you. Try to explain to her and your friend what's bugging you and that you want to solve things so that everybodey feels at home without bothering the others.

As for the relation-troubles: STAY AWAY FROM THAT! It's THEIR problem, you don't wanna get involved in any way....
 
Heck, I still follow my wife and kids around the house turning stuff off, including my stereo. I try not to sweat the small stuff.

As to the rest of it, yeah, stay out of their relationship.



Retro
 
Relax a bit. You sound like you are too tightly wound. Here are some life rules for you:
1. Stay out of other people's relationships.
2. Don't tell someone they are "doing it all wrong." If you want to offer unsolicited advice, say, "Do you mind if I give you some advice on how to do that?" And if they say they don't need any help, bug off.
3. If you don't like having to clean up after someone else, try to resist the compulsion to do it. Let someone else do it, then it becomes everyone's problem, not just yours.
 
dr*audio said:
3. If you don't like having to clean up after someone else, try to resist the compulsion to do it. Let someone else do it, then it becomes everyone's problem, not just yours.
Click to expand...

Yup. Unfortunately to say, sometimes system needs to break down so there is visibility that it needs fixing.
 
Like others have said, try and stay out of their drama. Go find you a girlfriend to move in with. I found living with guys wasn't as much fun as with a woman. I least when you do argue the making up is more fun. Now that the holidays are over (as of yesterday) you can more cheaply keep one happy, unless they have a birthday coming up soon.






Barney
 
Oh, and one last thing, if a woman asks you "does my butt look big in this", unless she is Kim Kardashian, the answer is no, your butt looks perfect in anything you wear. :D



Retro
 
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