My problem is that I may be putting too much upward force on the cantilever are as I clean the stylus.
Here's a tip for that:
Raise the tonearm on the lift, release it from the tonearm lock and move it to a position between the tonearm rest and the platter. Clean the stylus in that position. Any excessive upward pressure will cause the tonearm to raise instead of damaging the cantilever the way it might be if the tonearm was locked in place on the rest.

For about the past 10 years I've used the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser, which I suspect must be the same product under different branding as the Magic Eraser referenced by toma-t-amot above.
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It doesn't need gravity to enter the cantilever, the key is to use minimal liquid, like 'stuff all' (Oz for very little!)........or ditch the liquid altogether for a Magic Eraser for safe, dry, and perfect cleaning of your gem.I have been using Audio Technica AT607 for many decades and have been quite happy with it. It comes with built in applicator brush attached to the cap. As with any liquid cleaner hold the cartridge/stylus in a position that does not allow the liquid cleaner to run down the cantilever to the suspension.
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It doesn't need gravity to enter the cantilever, the key is to use minimal liquid, like 'stuff all' (Oz for very little!)........or ditch the liquid altogether for a Magic Eraser for safe, dry, and perfect cleaning of your gem.