Yeah... flip... money talks... 
What do I do about my wife?
- Thread starter Boomer543
- Start date
kevzep
Its all about the Music
Yep, I had a wife that didnt understand my passion for music, and gear.....She liked the idea of me being a musician but couldnt handle the reality of it........
She hated guitars around the house, so I took the spare room as a music room, but I wasnt allowed to go in there, because she wanted to spend "quality time" together, it seemed I wasnt allowed to practice the very things that made me happy, I had to sit there watching Sex in the City, and the Gilmore Girls, dreaming about listening and playing music.....
Let alone a "stereo system" in the lounge.....We had a massive fight one day she was screaming at me that all this old junk had to go.....she made me so angry I lost my temper and picked up my JVC 4VR 5446, and threw it out the door and it went tumbling down the driveway and ended up in a heap, it was destroyed beyond repair........(Ive since bought another one)
I tried to talk to her about it and reconcile the situation, but the compromise was way too far in the favor of me being allowed to be interested in music and gear, but never or very rarely being able to use it......and it was to be out of sight, never to be seen.......
Im now divorced and have been for 5 years, I am the happiest I have ever been in my life, I have bought a house of my own, I have found a girlfriend who is 18 years younger then me, we have been together for 5 years.....she is a musican/guitar player songwriter, we have a music room where we record our music, she likes all the stereo's everywhere, Im a tech and have my work area in our music room.....she likes the guitar amp in the lounge, and the big guitar rig in the music room......we both play music most of the time....we rarely have anything to disagree about........heaven indeed.....
This is the lounge system....I would never have got away with this with my ex-wife....she would have heart failure at the thought of this....
My ex hated this guitar rig here, just me looking at it got her all wound up....
All I can suggest is firstly make sure you are reasonable about what your doing, you know make sure your not taking a bank loan to support your habit, make sure the bills get paid, keep things as tidy as possible, Im quite a tidy person but my ex kept telling how messy everything was....ha!
Then when thats sorted, ask her to have a sit-down to discuss your hobby/interest, never refer to it as an obsession....obsession suggests that its something you have no control over......
I tried to discuss it with my ex, she just kept getting hysterical, so I told her I was leaving......and I did, after 15 years of marriage, I didnt realize how unhappy I was...
Best thing I ever did....
However this may not always be necessary, in your case your wife just might not understand what is happening, and once she understands or even tries to understand, things might be better....
Its all about communication, and being completely honest. With my girlfriend I would never hide anything or lie to her, because we have a good level of communication....
If you have a situation where you find yourself having to hide things and tell white lies to keep the peace, you have the beginnings of some serious problems....
So, in summary, try to communicate what you want and how you feel, and how she makes you feel, and ask her how she feels about it....
Hopefully it can be resolved, but if not, thats not the end of the world either.....
Hope this helps...
audio-ed
Well-Known Member
I used to be like Tarl. When I thought that I had better start getting rid of some of my excess gear.The secret of collecting is never let your wife see you bring anything into the house and always make sure she see's you take something out.There is always the line I'm fixing it for a friend.
DENNYDOG
Addicted Member
Yep, I had a wife that didnt understand my passion for music, and gear.....She liked the idea of me being a musician but couldnt handle the reality of it........
She hated guitars around the house, so I took the spare room as a music room, but I wasnt allowed to go in there, because she wanted to spend "quality time" together, it seemed I wasnt allowed to practice the very things that made me happy, I had to sit there watching Sex in the City, and the Gilmore Girls, dreaming about listening and playing music.....
Let alone a "stereo system" in the lounge.....We had a massive fight one day she was screaming at me that all this old junk had to go.....she made me so angry I lost my temper and picked up my JVC 4VR 5446, and threw it out the door and it went tumbling down the driveway and ended up in a heap, it was destroyed beyond repair........(Ive since bought another one)
I tried to talk to her about it and reconcile the situation, but the compromise was way too far in the favor of me being allowed to be interested in music and gear, but never or very rarely being able to use it......and it was to be out of sight, never to be seen.......
Im now divorced and have been for 5 years, I am the happiest I have ever been in my life, I have bought a house of my own, I have found a girlfriend who is 18 years younger then me, we have been together for 5 years.....she is a musican/guitar player songwriter, we have a music room where we record our music, she likes all the stereo's everywhere, Im a tech and have my work area in our music room.....she likes the guitar amp in the lounge, and the big guitar rig in the music room......we both play music most of the time....we rarely have anything to disagree about........heaven indeed.....
This is the lounge system....I would never have got away with this with my ex-wife....she would have heart failure at the thought of this....
You're my hero.
You could show her some of my stuff - just don't tell her that I'm single. I also have about 30 pair of speakers in another room and over 16,000 records, 1,000 cd's, reel-to-reel tapes, cassettes, 8-track, 6 consoles, etc. :thmbsp:
you forgot the pic of those Ikea shelves you have!!!! not the Expedit, but whats the ones you have again?
"You could show her some of my stuff - just don't tell her that I'm single. I also have about 30 pair of speakers in another room and over 16,000 records, 1,000 cd's, reel-to-reel tapes, cassettes, 8-track, 6 consoles, etc."
You are well on the way towards opening the local retail vintage store, buddy. Keep it up. Remember the advice of old Joe Seagram, who started the whisky fortune... he started out with a wagon and door to door junk purchases and sales, and he had a rock solid business plan. One percent profit margin on all sales, he said. Pay one dollar for something, add one dollar and sell it for two. One percent.
You are well on the way towards opening the local retail vintage store, buddy. Keep it up. Remember the advice of old Joe Seagram, who started the whisky fortune... he started out with a wagon and door to door junk purchases and sales, and he had a rock solid business plan. One percent profit margin on all sales, he said. Pay one dollar for something, add one dollar and sell it for two. One percent.
EddyFranner
Super Member
Just tell your wife that you love her anyway and carry on.
AnalogDigit
Realistic fan.
I would just tell her it's a hobby that you enjoy and it makes you happy. As long as you don't take over the entire house and just have one room for your gear. Does she have any hobbies or collect things?
I'm single for one. My bedroom is full of equipment and there is 2 stereos in the living room, I remember when I was a teen I had two stereos in my bedroom and my mother had a fit.
I'm single for one. My bedroom is full of equipment and there is 2 stereos in the living room, I remember when I was a teen I had two stereos in my bedroom and my mother had a fit.
Junknewbian
Well-Known Member
The trick with women is: you have to keep your gear in order, and out of the main rooms. I have one great system in the living room, and racks full of vintage stuff stacked neatly in the crawl space, that gets swapped in and out every once-in-a-while. If you have five amps, some speakers, and two pre-amps sitting on the dining room floor waiting to be tested, plus a sweet vintage set-up for every room in the house.... that's going to bug women.
Robinhawaii
Super Member
Look at from her view. If you find it easy to hustle things in and out of the house and other things she doesn't know about, she may start to wonder what else you are capable of fooling her about. Sometimes the fight isn't about what you think it is about.
include her in the process. Does she not like music? Get her music she likes and show her how to use the equipment. And then, with the next great find you discover, ask her if she thinks if it would be good to get it. That way you are not asking permission, but you're asking for agreement. :yes:
Good luck down the path of life and,
Take care,
Rob
Hendrix416
Nice Buzz/Good Tunes
I usually tell my wife when I am about to purchase something, and only when it's a good deal. I've never paid over 30 dollars for any of my audio equipment. She knows I'm a bargain shopper and that I have the ability to pass on something. She knows I love vinyl, cassettes and reel to reel and knows I won't spend big bucks on any medium. The most I've paid for an album was 20 bucks. She knows I'll stop in HPB and buy anywhere from 2 to 10 dollars worth of music. She's seen me pile up equipment and sell it off. I even set her up with a Pioneer SA-5800 int. amp & Infinity Entra One speakers on stands in her office so she could listen to her music on that and not on crappy computer speakers. She can blast her top 40/rap music and is happy with her system. I am looking out for a nice slim digital tuner and a CDP to add on to her. She only stopped me from buying more reel to reel tapes because I have not gone through all of the stock I have now, which she got some of it for me for Christmas. She understands my hobby and interest in audio and music, gives me weird looks for my taste in music and goes on with her life. I tell her at least my hobby isn't crack and hookers. 
Wise man. Excellent advice that I need to take!
131east23
...near Frank's Pizza!
Some women find older, mis-matched gear embarrassing. She might be dreading having to explain all of this old gear to her friends. Some people (friends maybe) equate the old gear with a lack of taste or a lack of money; you know, budget purchases.
Sheltie Dave has it right. Conversation is the way to go.
I have an audio budget that I rarely go over, plus all my extra gear goes in MY closet. My wife can't hear the difference between a pair of crappy Sony speakers and my Klipsch Cornwalls so I know she doesn't understand what all the mismatched gear is about right now. I educate her every time I change something so she knows how to operate it. A month ago a nice ST70 came up for sale locally and I didn't have the money in the audio budget to get it. I made my case for spending the money for it, plus she knew my goal was a tube system. She went to the bank with me and then went with me to buy it.
We both have art degrees and have a kind of eclectic aesthetic anyway which makes it easier to throw some classic audio gear into the mix. I suppose if she had a strict design aesthetic in the house it would be more difficult. In the end, to me, it's about how the music sounds and sometimes it makes me sad that my wife can't enjoy the nuances and the upgrades with me.
Good luck.
Sheltie Dave has it right. Conversation is the way to go.
I have an audio budget that I rarely go over, plus all my extra gear goes in MY closet. My wife can't hear the difference between a pair of crappy Sony speakers and my Klipsch Cornwalls so I know she doesn't understand what all the mismatched gear is about right now. I educate her every time I change something so she knows how to operate it. A month ago a nice ST70 came up for sale locally and I didn't have the money in the audio budget to get it. I made my case for spending the money for it, plus she knew my goal was a tube system. She went to the bank with me and then went with me to buy it.
We both have art degrees and have a kind of eclectic aesthetic anyway which makes it easier to throw some classic audio gear into the mix. I suppose if she had a strict design aesthetic in the house it would be more difficult. In the end, to me, it's about how the music sounds and sometimes it makes me sad that my wife can't enjoy the nuances and the upgrades with me.
Good luck.
bowtie427ss
Lunatic Member
You just described my EX-wife. :yes:
tylerparrott
Active Member
Conversation and some sort of system for incoming and outgoing gear are in some sort of order for a positive situation to emerge.
I know I've read of a member whose name I can't remember, but they spoke of the spreadsheet system they had. That allowed for an inventory of the gear, and there was also a finance system in place that made the audio hobby self sustaining. It sounded really remarkable, and from the way it sounded made for a happy home.
"Flipping" is something to consider, but just remember not everything is gold. If you have an independent used record or music store around, and you wouldn't be taking them just crap you could hopefully trade it. Unless you're paying market value for your gear you should come out positive.
I would recommend also thinking of a nice way to present it visually as well instead of just piles of audio in the corner or something like that. If you can find one of those old stereo rack systems with particle board sides and shelves you can stack in that. You could also make one more attractive and with real wood fairly easily if you have the space, tools, and time. Allow all your excess to be stored in that if it's full you gotta take something out to put something in. Might be better though to pull first, and then start looking once it's gone.
Show her what people do with idle wheel turntables if you can do that kind of stuff, and that might help her some. I mean it's not audio equipment then, but heirloom quality furniture you've got. Also consider targeting equipment that was not produced in large numbers, or regional/locally manufactured hi-fi if that was ever around where you are.
All in all just sit down and talk about it.
I know I've read of a member whose name I can't remember, but they spoke of the spreadsheet system they had. That allowed for an inventory of the gear, and there was also a finance system in place that made the audio hobby self sustaining. It sounded really remarkable, and from the way it sounded made for a happy home.
"Flipping" is something to consider, but just remember not everything is gold. If you have an independent used record or music store around, and you wouldn't be taking them just crap you could hopefully trade it. Unless you're paying market value for your gear you should come out positive.
I would recommend also thinking of a nice way to present it visually as well instead of just piles of audio in the corner or something like that. If you can find one of those old stereo rack systems with particle board sides and shelves you can stack in that. You could also make one more attractive and with real wood fairly easily if you have the space, tools, and time. Allow all your excess to be stored in that if it's full you gotta take something out to put something in. Might be better though to pull first, and then start looking once it's gone.
Show her what people do with idle wheel turntables if you can do that kind of stuff, and that might help her some. I mean it's not audio equipment then, but heirloom quality furniture you've got. Also consider targeting equipment that was not produced in large numbers, or regional/locally manufactured hi-fi if that was ever around where you are.
All in all just sit down and talk about it.
Ohighway
Wannabe Minimalist
Amen :yes: