I think hoarding and collecting are one in the same when it comes to vintage stereo gear.
I didn't use to think that, but have come to that conclusion over time. I have a closet full of stuff I haven't run in over a year. What is the point?
What do I do about my wife?
- Thread starter Boomer543
- Start date
I didn't use to think that, but have come to that conclusion over time. I have a closet full of stuff I haven't run in over a year. What is the point?
So you practice HIFI monogamy, and marital polygamy?
Al. Wise
Well, my stereo didn't double in size after I brought it home. Nor did it go sneaking about making music with other guys when I wasn't around....
Terry
Depressingly reasonable advice. Thanks for the very wise posts. Was hoping against hope that someone would have an entertaining "silver bullet" response.
My plan is to learn how to fix some of this stuff up so I can "flip" it. So, in a sense, I've been acquiring "inventory" (that's my story and I'm sticking to it).
In light of your insights, I will be consolidating everything in an out-of-sight location and try to keep everything nice and neat.
I was married once before and should have learned my lesson then. As Mark Twain said, a second marriage "represents the triumph of hope over experience." I like the take of the comedian who said, "I don't think I'll get married again. I think I'll just find a woman I hate and buy her a house."
I hate it when the problem is me....
Thanks again.
Jack
My plan is to learn how to fix some of this stuff up so I can "flip" it. So, in a sense, I've been acquiring "inventory" (that's my story and I'm sticking to it).
In light of your insights, I will be consolidating everything in an out-of-sight location and try to keep everything nice and neat.
I was married once before and should have learned my lesson then. As Mark Twain said, a second marriage "represents the triumph of hope over experience." I like the take of the comedian who said, "I don't think I'll get married again. I think I'll just find a woman I hate and buy her a house."
I hate it when the problem is me....
Thanks again.
Jack
Compgeke
Geek
Try to do something like my grandparents do, you pay some bills with your pay check and she pays others with hers. Then you both spend the left over money from your own pay checks on what you want.
I also don't know the size of your house but if you have 2 spare rooms take one for yourself and let her have the other. With any luck you won't be in a 2 bedroom house like I am (and I've got to share a room with my brother
).
I also don't know the size of your house but if you have 2 spare rooms take one for yourself and let her have the other. With any luck you won't be in a 2 bedroom house like I am (and I've got to share a room with my brother
).
kevzep
Its all about the Music
Try to do something like my grandparents do, you pay some bills with your pay check and she pays others with hers. Then you both spend the left over money from your own pay checks on what you want.
I also don't know the size of your house but if you have 2 spare rooms take one for yourself and let her have the other. With any luck you won't be in a 2 bedroom house like I am (and I've got to share a room with my brother
This is not specific to anyone in particular except me, and anyone who thinks it might apply...
Ive been through all this before, I dont want a spare room to go and sit to listen to my albums at some pathetic whisper, and get glared at every time I enter the room, because the wife is jealous of my interest and my gear and doesnt want to hear music, especially my music.....I want someone who will share the ride......I had to get divorced because I got it wrong the first time....
If you guys are sneaking around, hiding things from your wives, bargaining for "permission" to buy things, then something is wrong.....the relationship is not based on being completely honest with each-other
I pay my bills, and decide if I can buy something, I do not need someone playing the role of my mother spelling out conditions for which I can buy gear......Thats just BS, Im a fully grown 45year old teenager!!!
I make my own decisions and do just fine.......and my main system is in the lounge along with one of my guitar rigs, all nice and tidy, because Im a tidy person.....theres music going 24/7 from either me or my girlfriend or both......
Unlike my ex wife, my girlfriend loves music as much as me, we are both musicians and like to listen to music most of the time....sometimes not the same music, but we have 3 different systems set up around the house so we can have musical independence if we want to ....
She also respects I know what I am doing when it comes to buying stereo gear, shes cool with it, and likes it when a big package turns up because she knows its something that will make me happy...
My ex wife has her house with NO audio equipment so she can sit there reading books with the clock ticking.......so now we are both happy, and have an amicable divorce, and we can now actually communicate with eachother, the relationship is far better now we have divorced......
Now if she could just accept I have a girlfriend...:scratch2:
In the lounge....my ex wife HATED this sort of thing, nice cabinet or not...
Posts have to have pics right......
IVAR - that's what all the shelving is. I also use them for my record storage.
Wow. This is my life almost exactly! I got divorced this year from a woman who did not have much tolerance for my music habit. And I now have a girlfriend (live-in) who is as interested in record shopping as I am! And while the divorce was not entirely amicable, yes, I think we're both happier now--aside from my wife's displeasure over my sleeping in another woman's bed!
Lesson learned: I spent too many years (I'm embarrassed to tell you how many) living in a house where I had to hide my enjoyment of music. That included sneaking LPs into the house, staying up late at night with the headphones (because my ex-wife preferred watching TV to listening to music), and rarely if ever going out for live music.
I strongly feel this is one area couples need to be very compatible in.
kevzep
Its all about the Music
15 years I was married with that sort of marriage..........I have no idea why I didnt do something about it sooner........
I agree, I feel there has to be compatibility in this area too.......lessons learned from trying to make it work but inevitably giving into my ex-wife's needs to avoid horrific confrontations......
Man that is un-healthy, and its very exhausting..........
pilotprose
Active Member
Mine told me she would leave if I bought another record...collection has grown by at least another 50 and she is still here. Told here to take her records with her when she left as well as the linear turntable that I bought her. Again, she is still here.....what is wrong here?
Duckzilla
"Laugh it up fuzzball"
I do the spreadsheet thing just to keep my eye on things (I'm divorced, but it sure would have helped while I was married; since the subject was brought up as one of the reasons for the divorce). I have an Excel form for each of my three systems, and one that is just for sold equipment. They're very simple; Item, $ paid, $ MSRP and % of MSRP. This is where it could come in useful for the OP, I have the "sold" sheet setup to give $ total paid, $ total sold and % total of MSRP. I then transfer the total sold to the main system sheet, and it'll deduct the figure and give me a total paid and % of MSRP. To give an idea;
Total MSRP $18,327.00
Total paid $498.94
Total % of MSRP 2.72%
I date this back about 20 years or so, and when you show [your wife] the hard figures, well, depending on your figures, it's hard to argue with the numbers. At least she can see that you're being aware of what you spend on the hobby. Sorry if this answer has been a bit "wordy", but I hope it may be of help. BTW, if anyone would be interested in having the spreadsheet for their own use, I'd be happy to e-mail one, just shoot me a pm.
Total MSRP $18,327.00
Total paid $498.94
Total % of MSRP 2.72%
I date this back about 20 years or so, and when you show [your wife] the hard figures, well, depending on your figures, it's hard to argue with the numbers. At least she can see that you're being aware of what you spend on the hobby. Sorry if this answer has been a bit "wordy", but I hope it may be of help. BTW, if anyone would be interested in having the spreadsheet for their own use, I'd be happy to e-mail one, just shoot me a pm.
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kevzep
Its all about the Music
I have a friend who likes to play the guitar, he is fairly well off and likes nice things....
He keeps some of his guitars at my place, along with some of his guitar amps (hey I dont mind) because if his wife found out he had more than one guitar she would use her laser eyes to castrate him, Im too scared to go to his place, he always comes here to my place......
I think a relationship like that is ridiculous........
Duckzilla has a good point there, as long as you are using the spreadsheet for the right reasons......I wouldnt use it as a pacifier for my wife, if you have to do that, there is something wrong with the relationship....
If you are using it to actually track your spending thats different, and quite a sensible idea....
I track my spending in my head....:scratch2:
He keeps some of his guitars at my place, along with some of his guitar amps (hey I dont mind) because if his wife found out he had more than one guitar she would use her laser eyes to castrate him, Im too scared to go to his place, he always comes here to my place......
I think a relationship like that is ridiculous........
Duckzilla has a good point there, as long as you are using the spreadsheet for the right reasons......I wouldnt use it as a pacifier for my wife, if you have to do that, there is something wrong with the relationship....
If you are using it to actually track your spending thats different, and quite a sensible idea....
I track my spending in my head....:scratch2:
the_nines
Lunatic Member
Duckzilla
"Laugh it up fuzzball"
Point taken about the pacifier, it's just a suggestion since the OP seemed to be in dire straits. Incidentally, I wasn't smart enough to do this BEFORE the divorce....ho hum. And, yes, I use it to keep myself out of trouble by tracking anything audio. Having said that, I have no-one to answer to.......
cableguy
In Twang We Trust
Man, does that sound eerily familiar....:yes:
I will not offer any advice other than...I am much happier single than I ever was married, and if and when I allow a woman into my life, either she "gets" me and what I do or she she isn't around for very long. In my case, life is too short spent on people who do not accept me for who I am...
Duckzilla
"Laugh it up fuzzball"
Man, does that sound eerily familiar....:yes:
I will not offer any advice other than...I am much happier single than I ever was married, and if and when I allow a woman into my life, either she "gets" me and what I do or she she isn't around for very long. In my case, life is too short spent on people who do not accept me for who I am...
Very sage advice.
MJWPicMan
MJWPicMan
Jack
I don't know about your wife or your relationship to/with her, but if you have a good relationship, and you and your wife love each other read this. GET SERIOUS. Equipment doesn't worry about you, miss you, or want you to be happy. It won't cook for you, bail you out of jail, or listen to you when you need someone to talk to you. It won't hold your hand in the movies or keep you warm at night. It's just a thing. I love my stereo, but I'd give it up in less than an instant to be in a good relationship. Get some perspective. You can only listen to one stereo at a time anyway. Short of that make sure to check the tensile strength on the wire you're considering using.
Martin.
d-ray657
Ain't this boogie a mess
It is not all that necessary for a wife to share the interest I have in audio. She supports me in pursuing my interest, so long as I am not spending money we don't have. I have just about reached the point where the hobby is self supporting, but we might need some of the receipts for bills. I support her in her interests, and was thrilled when she decided to get a specialized sewing machine for quilting. Also, I like having quilts around the house and she sometimes likes to listen to music. (She's trying to learn how to run the system to play her country gospel records when I am not around.) She also enjoys the make-shift HT setup we have.
Life is full of compromises, as is living with another person. When you are living with someone who has agreed to be your life-mate, those compromises usually arise out of concern for each other, but sometimes out of competing interests. We appreciate the mutual decisions, and both of us tend to get over the instances where we agree to disagree. Twenty-three years of raising two boys has given us plenty of practice in working in concert with one another, Our mutual agreements have resulted in my having a basement full of gear, tools, a work bench, an easy chair and a fridge. I can't complain.
Regards,
D-Ray
That is such excellent advice, and if your wife isn't worth pulling in your stereo habit a bit, maybe you have a lot more to think about than how to sneak in your gear. And I'm not passing judgment by saying that- you really do have a lot to think about, and maybe its for the best that less time be wasted in the long run. Every relationship is not worth saving and sometimes people would be happier apart, with others or by themselves. I wasted 7 or 8 years in a relationship with the wrong person. I now date people who share my interests, and who have interests that I either share or want them to indulge in because it makes them happy.
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kevzep
Its all about the Music
You said it in the first couple of sentences, obviously your wife accepts you for who you are and what you are about, and does actually share the same interest, as she likes to play music too....be it on different levels or different music, you and your wife obviously have mutual respect for eachother and a willingness to make compromises in your relationship.....that comes from respect and appreciating the other person for what they are, my ex wife had no respsect or appreciation for what my needs or interests were, and was not willing to let me be me.....
That is an impass, better to realize the relationship is doomed and move on so we can both have better lives, than to slave away at something which just isnt going to work.......
Im with someone who takes me for what I am, it happens we like doing the same things, but we both also like to do our own thing on our own as well its perfect......for me anyway, that might not suit some people, and everybody is different with different needs.....
I agree, this happens to work for me too......