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Old Sayings

Told to me by a wrecking yard owner's Southern wife as I took pics of a bent-up car of mine:

"Don't make God get a bigger hammer to get your attention."

Me: "Money can't by everything!"
My dad: "Give me enough and I'll rent the other 1/8th!"
 
Southern insult: "I'd have been your daddy if that pig hadn't have got under the fence first!"

Ugly: "Looks like she had a fire on her face and they beat it out with a track shoe." (or stick, or bat, or pick axe, etc.)
 
Not really a saying except I have made it one with my teenagers:

"Character is what you do when nobody is watching."

Terry
 
I heard this working the garage area and pits in various race tracks around the U.S.:

"You can't turn a pig into a race horse. But with enough money you can make a pig go damn fast!"

And these from hot rodding:

"There is no substitute for cubic inches.

"Speed costs. How fast do you want to go."

Usually found as a sticker on a drag race car: "Turning money into noise, one round at a time."
 
Another variation... "Slicker than an eel in a bucket of snot."

"Watching you work is like watching a monkey try to f#$k a football!"

"Neater'n a skeeter's peter!"

"Sharp as a beachball"
 
My grandmother used these quite a bit...

"Beware a well trod path to a girl's door"

"A whistlin' girl or a crowin' hen, never come to no good end"
 
His elevator don't reach the top floor.

I think the cheese slipped off your cracker.

We're not here for a good time, we're here for a long time.

If you can't duct it, f**k it (referring to duct tape).

You're gonna have a helluva time pickin' up your tell with broken fingers.

I'm in it for the chicks, guns & firetrucks.

Don't sh*t where you eat.
 
My favorite from Saturday morning bugs bunny cartoons:

That boy is about as sharp as a bag of wet mice

My father in-laws saying when he's starving:

My stomach thinks my throat is cut
 
When I married her it looked just like a peach, now after 40 years, it looks like a cow patty with a wagon rut going thru it. ( Talking about brussel sprouts)

I would like to bite her on the arse, develop lockjaw and get dragged to death.

And when my mom would tell my dad that she wished he would say something nice, he would always reply, "for a fat gal, you sure don't sweat very much."
 
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