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Quaint Quips & Quotes!

"Ugly as a bucket of busted up crabs"

"Ugly a hat full of a**holes"

"head like a half sucked mango seed"

"face like a dropped pie"

"if my dog had a face like that I'd shave it's butt and teach it to walk backwards"
 
"Had I known that I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself."

"He looks like an armpit with eyes."

"The lights are on but nobody's home."
 
My late uncle was not fond of facial hair, and had two "standard" comments to any of our friends with beards or mustaches.

1. He would point and ask what it was. When they answered, he'd say, "Great! I have one growing on my @$$ and didn't know what to call it!"

2. He'd just look and ask, "Why would someone intentionally cultivate on their face what grows wild on their @$$?"
 
Colder than a brass monkey's balls.
Colder than a well digger's nose.
Colder than a witch's t*t in a brass brassiere.
He's so crooked that after you shake hands with him you have to count your fingers.
Do you think money grows on trees?
Where were you born, in a barn?
Better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.
Buy him books and buy him books and still he eats the pages.
Dumber than a box full of rocks.
You can pick your nose and you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your friend's nose.
And, from "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou," - You boys are dumber than a sack of hammers.
 
caddisgeek said:
"Ugly as a bucket of busted up crabs"

"Ugly a hat full of a**holes"

"head like a half sucked mango seed"

"face like a dropped pie"

"if my dog had a face like that I'd shave it's butt and teach it to walk backwards"
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HEHE Caddisgeek!
Now this one, "if my dog had a face like that I'd shave it's butt and teach it to walk backwards" quote is a classic as well. I like the ugly as a hat full of ***holes quote! :D

Funny Klassic,
Rome
 
tboat4 said:
"Had I known that I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself."

"He looks like an armpit with eyes."

"The lights are on but nobody's home."
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Ahhhh Tboat4!
Once again, let's confuse quotes like this one, "The lights are on but nobody's home" with the mentally challenged.

This one reminds me of those who just make stupid decisions. This is a hall of fame classic indeed & is akin to the "his elevator does not go to the top floor." :D

Hall of Fame Klassic,
Rome
 
bentpencil said:
My late uncle was not fond of facial hair, and had two "standard" comments to any of our friends with beards or mustaches.

1. He would point and ask what it was. When they answered, he'd say, "Great! I have one growing on my @$$ and didn't know what to call it!"

2. He'd just look and ask, "Why would someone intentionally cultivate on their face what grows wild on their @$$?"
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HEHEHE Bentpencil!
Ahhhh, those old folks are great treasure in their wisdom & wit. Now, these are funny indeed! :thmbsp:

Funny Klassic,
Rome
 
dr*audio said:
Colder than a brass monkey's balls.
Colder than a well digger's nose.
Colder than a witch's t*t in a brass brassiere.
He's so crooked that after you shake hands with him you have to count your fingers.
Do you think money grows on trees?
Where were you born, in a barn?
Better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.
Buy him books and buy him books and still he eats the pages.
Dumber than a box full of rocks.
You can pick your nose and you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your friend's nose.
And, from "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou," - You boys are dumber than a sack of hammers.
Click to expand...

Ahhhhh Dr *Audio!
You sir, have pulled on my heart string with this one. My dad would use on us kids the "do you think money grows on tree? quote many times. Man, that one brings back the memories. A true hall of fame classic. :thmbsp:

The dumber than a box of rocks & Colder than a witch's t*t in a brass brassiere
quotes have been around for some time as well. If only I had a dollar for some of these cited Dr* Audio.

Sentimental Hall of Fame Klassic,
Rome
 
Rome said:
Ahhhh nice sentiment Dark Matter!
Kinda, reminds me of one that goes "her legs have been more open than the doors of a 7-11."

Klassic,
Rome
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Good one! How about: “If she had as many stickin’ out of her as she had stuck in her sheed’ look like a porcupine”
 
When 'yes' is the obvious answer:

'Does a bear take Reader's Digest in the woods?'
'Does the pope wear a funny hat?'
'Does 200 pounds of flour make a big biscuit?'
'Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?'
 
Classics from my Dad:

'That girl's finer'n a frog's hair split four ways.'
'She's got a million-dollar body and the face to guard it.'
 
"it smelled so bad that it would knock a fly off a sh!t wagon"

when someone asks where something is -
"if it was up your a$$ you would know where it's at"

to rile up a crowd -
"that'll keep the chickens flappin'"

and last but not least -
"time wounds all heels"
 
Saw it on a t-shirt with a picture of that kid from “The sixth sense”

“I see stupid people! They’re everywhere, they don’t even know they’re stupid!
 
tshoejohn said:
If a bear s**st in the woods does it make a noise?
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This one has a cousin as stated "If a tree falls in the woods & nobody is around, does it make a sound?"

tshoejohn said:
“….so ugly, could stick her face in some dough and make gorilla cookies” - Fred Sanford
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Ahhhhh Tshoejohn!
These are Hall of Fame classics for sure. The Fred Sanford quote brings back some great memories.

Hall of Fame Klassic,
Rome
 
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