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Quaint Quips & Quotes!

mfhale said:
When 'yes' is the obvious answer:

'Does a bear take Reader's Digest in the woods?'
'Does the pope wear a funny hat?'
'Does 200 pounds of flour make a big biscuit?'
'Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?'
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Ahhhhhh Mfhale!
Indeed, I will have to answer yes to all of these!
Too funny.. :thmbsp:


mfhale said:
Classics from my Dad:

'That girl's finer'n a frog's hair split four ways.'
'She's got a million-dollar body and the face to guard it.'
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HEHE Mfhale!
Once again I must say that your dad had the stuff! :thmbsp:
I wish I knew this one, 'That girl's finer'n a frog's hair split four ways.' when I growing to spout off to my friends when we saw a fine girl. This one is a true classic. I like it. :yes:

Hall of Fame Klassic,
Rome
 
stormy said:
"it smelled so bad that it would knock a fly off a sh!t wagon"

when someone asks where something is -
"if it was up your a$$ you would know where it's at"

to rile up a crowd -
"that'll keep the chickens flappin'"

and last but not least -
"time wounds all heels"
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Ahhhhh Stormy!
Though I have not heard these before, I can say they will be added to my arsenal... :thmbsp:
These are true classics. I like the witicism mingled into the "time wounds all heels" quote. This one is certainly cerebral candy. :thmbsp:

Cerebral Klassic,
Rome
 
tshoejohn said:
Saw it on a t-shirt with a picture of that kid from “The sixth sense”

“I see stupid people! They’re everywhere, they don’t even know they’re
stupid!
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Tshoejohn!
You are giving some Sci-fi truth to us indeed! :thmbsp:

Klassic,
Rome
 
mfhale said:
'She's got a million-dollar body and the face to guard it.'
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My kids were talking about a girl at school one day, and my son called her a "Butter Face". I asked what that meant, and he said "Everything about her looks great but her face."
 
My uncle said this the other day, I don't know if it is old or new but refers to having too much fiber: "S**t thru a screen door at 20 paces"
 
tshoejohn said:
I heard a similar one about dating within an office: “Don’t put your meat whare you get your bread”
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This one has a cousin. "Don't bite the hand that feeds you."

tshoejohn said:
My uncle said this the other day, I don't know if it is old or new but refers to having too much fiber: "S**t thru a screen door at 20 paces"
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HEHEHE Tshoejohn!
I can't say it enough, in that, those old folks are too much.

Funny Klassic,
Rome
 
Have we had?

"he/she has a face like a bulldog licking piss off a stinging nettle"

"I'll kick you so hard you could use your ass for a hat" (from The Outlaw Josey Wales)

"do you give blood because you'll need a pint in a minute" (preview to a fight breaking out)

"don't you shout at me, I could have been your father if that German Shepherd dog hadn't got there first"
 
bentpencil said:
My kids were talking about a girl at school one day, and my son called her a "Butter Face". I asked what that meant, and he said "Everything about her looks great but her face."
Click to expand...

Kids are the same all over the world Bentpencil!
This type of quote has many facets, but it is still not nice to put someone down who may not be like you or me. Though funny in nature, like the quotes about someone's "bread not being done" can be used in trying hurt someone's feelings who may be mentally challenged & this thread in no way endorses such behavior.

These quotes are just funny in spirit & that's all. :thmbsp:

Funny Klassic,
Rome
 
Whats your pucker?? You can kind of figure this one out, think having to go real real bad, goffer holin' bad!!! Whats your hurry.
 
leesonic said:
Have we had?

"he/she has a face like a bulldog licking piss off a stinging nettle"

"I'll kick you so hard you could use your ass for a hat" (from The Outlaw Josey Wales)

"do you give blood because you'll need a pint in a minute" (preview to a fight breaking out)

"don't you shout at me, I could have been your father if that German Shepherd dog hadn't got there first"
Click to expand...

:D :D HEHE Leesonic!
I think we may have the runner ups for the Hall of Fame quotes. Now these are funny right there. I have not heard any of these before, but I am just rolling over here.

This one is just too funny for me, "he/she has a face like a bulldog licking piss off a stinging nettle." Can you get the visual? :yes:

Runner Up Hall of Fame Klassic,
Rome
 
ihop said:
Best meal I ever threw a lip over!!!!
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This one should have been used in one of my favorites movies of all time, "Blazing Saddles." I can just hear old Slim Pickens spouting this one off.
Too funny & classic! :thmbsp:

ihop said:
Whats your pucker?? You can kind of figure this one out, think having to go real real bad, goffer holin' bad!!! Whats your hurry.
Click to expand...

HEHEHE Ihop!
These are funny indeed.. :D

Funny Klassic,
Rome
 
tshoejohn said:
I heard a similar one about dating within an office: “Don’t put your meat whare you get your bread”
Click to expand...

Nice one! I've also heard:

'Don't dip your pen in company ink.'

A major I knew at Camp Mabry:

'Thou shalt not put thy rod in thy staff.'

My first sergeant at Ft. Sam Houston before releasing us for weekend leave debauchery:

'Put it on before you put it in.'

And in the same 'safe sex' vein:

'Before you remove her dress and blouse, shroud your one-eyed trouser mouse.'
'Before you get between those thighs, don't forget to vulcanize.'
 
mfhale said:
Nice one! I've also heard:

'Don't dip your pen in company ink.'

A major I knew at Camp Mabry:

'Thou shalt not put thy rod in thy staff.'

My first sergeant at Ft. Sam Houston before releasing us for weekend leave debauchery:

'Put it on before you put it in.'

And in the same 'safe sex' vein:

'Before you remove her dress and blouse, shroud your one-eyed trouser mouse.'
'Before you get between those thighs, don't forget to vulcanize.'
Click to expand...

Ahhhh Mfhale!
I keep on learning some new ones thanks to those like these cited. :thmbsp:
Now, this one heaps wisdom through & through, 'Put it on before you put it in.'
:thmbsp: :thmbsp: :thmbsp:

Wisdom Klassic,
Rome
 
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