Quaint Quips & Quotes!

[ihop]

If my dog looked like you, I would shave his ass and make him walk backwards!!!

 

[usedto]

You look like a billy goat ate you and sh*t you off a cliff.................

 

[Rome]

His brain rattles around like a mustard seed in an oil drum!!!

Funny classic!

If my dog looked like you, I would shave his ass and make him walk backwards!!!

Klassic,
Rome

 

[Rome]

You look like a billy goat ate you and sh*t you off a cliff.................

HEHEHE Bentpencil!
Now that's funny right there...

Funny Klassic,
Rome

 

[tshoejohn]

Nice one! I've also heard:

'Don't dip your pen in company ink.'

A major I knew at Camp Mabry:

'Thou shalt not put thy rod in thy staff.'

My first sergeant at Ft. Sam Houston before releasing us for weekend leave debauchery:

'Put it on before you put it in.'

And in the same 'safe sex' vein:

'Before you remove her dress and blouse, shroud your one-eyed trouser mouse.'
'Before you get between those thighs, don't forget to vulcanize.'

“Put a helmet on the soldier”
“The little fireman needs his raincoat”
Or for the argument against safe sex “…..like wearing a raincoat in the shower”

 

[Rome]

This one was used to mock high inflation & gas prices. I will use it for taxes. :thmbsp:

"Today's taxes are higher than a giraffe's *****"!

Funny Klassic,
Rome

 

[tshoejohn]

While talking to a lady of the evening: “…… Is there any tread left on the tires? or is it more like throwing a hotdog down a hallway..” - Stewie Griffin

 

[Rome]

“Put a helmet on the soldier”
“The little fireman needs his raincoat”
Or for the argument against safe sex “…..like wearing a raincoat in the shower”

Ahhhh Tshoejohn, you & Tboat4 are slaying me!
My cousin turned me on to this one some years back & I have never forgot it.
"Put a helmet on the soldier."
Words of true wisdom for these times in which we live. :thmbsp:

Hall of Fame Klassic,
Rome

 

[tshoejohn]

"... Alcohol, the cause and solution to many of lifes problems" - Homer Simpson

 

[Rome]

While talking to a lady of the evening: “…… Is there any tread left on the tires? or is it more like throwing a hotdog down a hallway..” - Stewie Griffin

HEHEHE Tshoejohn!
Once again, you slay me...
That's a doozie right there.

Funny Klassic,
Rome

 

[Rome]

"... Alcohol, the cause and solution to many of lifes problems" - Homer Simpson

A most serious quote here Tshoejohn.. :yes:
I think it has caused more problems than solved. Alcohol used in moderation can be beneficial, but it is when people misuse it, does evil rear its ugly head.

Serious Klassic,
Rome

 

[tshoejohn]

Quick reply to loud flatulance –
“speakin’ your mind?”
“stepped on a frog?”
“Gezundheight”

 

[tshoejohn]

Getting sick after drinking:

“Driving the big white buss”
“Talking on the big white phone”

 

[usedto]

For those extremely thrifty folks:

He's so tight he squeaks when he walks.

 

[Rome]

HEHEHE Tshoejohn!
Keep em comin!

Klassic,
Rome

 

[Rome]

For those extremely thrifty folks:

He's so tight he squeaks when he walks.

Ahhh Bentpencil!
This slipped my mind & it is one of those I wish I had a dollar for.
It is a hall of famer indeed.. :yes:

It does have a family relative which goes something like "he's tighter than a frog's *** in water."

Hall of Fame Klassic,
Rome

 

[tshoejohn]

"It's not the fall that kills you, it’s the sudden stop at the end"

 

[tshoejohn]

One for leaving in a hurry (similar to “Off I go..”):

“I’m off like a prom dress”

(This could also be used for removing something rapidly)

 

[tshoejohn]

My grandpa’s dog would drag his butt across the carpet he would say he is “riding his tricycle”

 

[usedto]

One from Redd Foxx:

Candy is dandy, but sex won't rot your teeth.