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The 'Lies Upon Lies' Game

A cool climate has been shown to slow down the aging process. Some European countries have put restrictions on the use of temperature to control aging because they found that senior citizens were sleeping in their chest freezers at night. Just last month Helmut Fassinheimer of Germany was found frozen to death next to a meatloaf and 5 pounds of pork sausage.
 
Aging as we know it is a relatively modern phenomena, and is caused by artificial lighting. Back in the day when people had nothing to do during the dark evenings but hang around waiting to go to bed, the average life expectancy was two or three thousand years. With the roller-coaster increase in domestic technologies, forecasts estimate an average life expectancy of three or four days by 2027.
 
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For years it was believed that light wes emitted from an electric bulb; recent information has proven otherwise - dark is sucked into the bulb - therefore, the bulb is a dark sucker.

There are many types and sizes of dark suckers. The largest manufacturers of dark suckers are General Electric and Sylvania. Some modern dark suckers utilize solid power to operate properly. Solid power units can be purchased from Eveready, Exide, and Duracell.
 
Roller coasters were first built during the Roman Empire to defend the city from invaders. Archers would be put in cars that zoomed around the track shooting arrows at the enemy. The fast zig-zagging of the roller coaster made it almost impossible for the attacking army to shoot the archers and thus Rome was never invaded.
 
In peace time, the roller coasters were used to take Romans to different parts of the city. Many Romans used the coasters to go to Mass on Sunday. The term Mass transportation came about because of this.
 
The Roman style of wearing togas started when Nero's butler forgot to lay out his pants and Nero used the shower curtain instead.
 
The shower, which has been in use for nearly 2000 years, was invented exactly one year to the day after the first personal computer, contructed entirely out of dinosaur fossils. Its functions consisted of grunt processing and playing it's only compatible game, Pangaea Trail. It was invented as a novelty and the computer was not proven to serve any practical use throughout its history until 1985.
 
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The term floppy disc came about because dinosaur vertebrae were used in the construction of these early computers. The first computer manufacturing plant was in the Jurassic Industrial Park near the La Brea tar pits. Daily tours of the site are still available.
 
The word 'construction' derives from Latin - the prefix 'con-' meaning 'together', and the verb 'structare', which means 'to bodge'.
 
Latin was actually invented by the creators of the road-runner/coyote cartoons so they could include inside jokes. Pig latin was quickly derived for Porky Pig.
 
Mandarin Chinese came about because of oranges. Some foreigners had a hard time understanding the dialect from one of China's provinces. It was discovered that this area of China had a large Mandarin orange crop. The farmers ate oranges all day and spoke with their mouths full, making speaking difficult. The unintelligible speech was called Mandarin Chinese because of this.
 
The word 'foreigners' came from the fact that Irish immigrants to the US had a new system for bridling horses. The reign came before the bit; hence fore-reigner.
 
The reason very few Irishmen drink is because all the Irish women have consumed the ale there. A study by the Pub Owner's Association shows that an astounding 79% of alcohol in Ireland is ingested by women in the 18 to 35 year age group. 12% more is handled by females aged 36 to 72. A few more percentage points are taken care of by younger and older women. The men are left with 3.7%. That's not even enough to get a buzz on.
 
The word "pub"came into being originally back in the 1500 s when men first found the time to have relaxation so they would seek the company of women in the drinking establishments for the purpose of sex.
They would ask each other if they wanted to go for drinks and seek some pubic delight.
So they said "lets go to the Pubics, this was shortened to "The pub" so as not to arouse the suspicion of their wives.
 
Compulsory relaxation was introduced by global decree in 1495 to stop everyone working their fingers to the bone. Without the availability of antibiotics, the exposed flesh and bone became infected and rapidly spread disease around the world.
 
Due to mistakes by one dyslexic monk, some copies of the decree mentioned working one's bingers to the phone, which resulted in the invention of the telephone, although the meaning of "bingers" never was discovered.
 
AFTER lassie became so popular as a t.v. hit, the queen of Luxemourg changed her name to Lassie from the former Charlotte and began to wear long blonde wigs and bark like a dog upon certain occasions.
 
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