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Quaint Quips & Quotes!

XonXoff said:
Heres a few more,

Dumber than a pay toilet in a diarrea ward

Colder tha a well diggers a$$ in the clondike

Hes so uptight you couldn't pull a pin out of his a$$ with a tractor

It's tighter than a flys a$$ streched over a drum

She sound like a cow pissing on a flat rock

Enjoy
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HEHEHE XonXoff!
These are funny ones indeed. I have heard the "cow pissing on a rock" quote before & it is still a classic.

Funny Klassic,
Rome
 
I heard this one the other day & wanted to share with the group!

"Hanging on by the skin of your teeth"

Rome
 
My favorite aunt would use this bit of self-deprecation to alert me to something stupid I did or said.

"I teach you everything I know and STILL you don't know nothin'".

I heard it many times...

Pete
 
Pete Deksnis said:
My favorite aunt would use this bit of self-deprecation to alert me to something stupid I did or said.

"I teach you everything I know and STILL you don't know nothin'".

I heard it many times...

Pete
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HEHEHE!
Hi Pete!
Yea, this is a funny line.

Klassic,
Rome
 
These are great! I haven't checked this thread in a while ...I've been busier than a one-armed paper hanger in a windstorm.
 
beans said:
These are great! I haven't checked this thread in a while ...I've been busier than a one-armed paper hanger in a windstorm.
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HEHEHE!
Funny line there, Beans!
Slo' down a bit & catch a breather! :D

Klassic,
Rome
 
I'm busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest.

I had an Indian supervisor that got "easy as pie" and "piece of cake" mixed up/. He said "It's as easy as eating a piece of cake." In the same office was an Italian woman who freaked out when she saw a garter snake in the gravel parking lot one day. We said, hey, welcome to Missouri. She said "I cannot support these snakes!"
 
toxcrusadr said:
I'm busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest.

I had an Indian supervisor that got "easy as pie" and "piece of cake" mixed up/. He said "It's as easy as eating a piece of cake." In the same office was an Italian woman who freaked out when she saw a garter snake in the gravel parking lot one day. We said, hey, welcome to Missouri. She said "I cannot support these snakes!"
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Ahhh Tox!
Funny stuff indeed.

Klassic,
Rome
 
toxcrusadr said:
I'm busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest.

I had an Indian supervisor that got "easy as pie" and "piece of cake" mixed up/. He said "It's as easy as eating a piece of cake." In the same office was an Italian woman who freaked out when she saw a garter snake in the gravel parking lot one day. We said, hey, welcome to Missouri. She said "I cannot support these snakes!"
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This reminds me of a friend of mine from grad school - a non-English speaker. One night, in ... uh, party circumstances ... he took a deep breath and announced "Wow, I'm really thrown away." When everyone laughed at him, he said "Oh, I mean I'm really blown up." Even better if you could hear it in his accent ...
 
My apologies if these have already been mentioned:

It's easier to get forgiveness than permission

I've got three people working on it...Me, Myself, and I. Two of them are lazy and you can't trust the third.
 
Red Stick said:
My apologies if these have already been mentioned:

I've got three people working on it...Me, Myself, and I. Two of them are lazy and you can't trust the third.
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HEHEHE!
My ex-wife use to cite something like this to me & she is still unmarried! :yes:

Now, this is funny stuff RS!
I salute this one into the Hall of Fame Klassics!

Hall of Fame Klassic,
Rome
 
I just watched the PBS Special of the 11th Annual Kennedy Center Mark Twain Prize honoring the late George Carlin last night. It was taped in November of last year and they replayed his "A Modern Man" routine that has quite a few quips in it.

A MODERN MAN

I'm a modern man, digital and smoke-free; a man for the millennium. A diversified, multi-cultural, post-modern deconstructionist; politically, anatomically and ecologically incorrect. I've been uplinked and downloaded, I've been inputted and outsourced. I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I'm a high-tech low-life. A cutting-edge, state-of-the-art, bi-coastal multi-tasker, and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond. I'm new-wave, but I'm old-school; and my inner child is outward-bound. I'm a hot-wired, heat-seeking, warm-hearted cool customer; voice-activated and bio-degradable. I interface with my database; my database is in cyberspace; so I'm interactive, I'm hyperactive, and from time to time I'm radioactive. Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, ridin' the wave, dodgin' the bullet, pushin' the envelope. I'm on point, on task, on message, and off drugs. I've got no need for coke and speed; I've got no urge to binge and purge. I'm in the moment, on the edge, over the top, but under the radar. A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart bomb. A top-gun bottom-feeder. I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps, I run victory laps. I'm a totally ongoing, big-foot, slam-dunk rainmaker with a pro-active outreach. A raging workaholic, a working rageaholic: out of rehab and in denial. I've got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant, and a personal agenda. You can't shut me up; you can't dumb me down. 'Cause I'm tireless, and I'm wireless. I'm an alpha-male on beta-blockers. I'm a non-believer, I'm an over-achiever; Laid-back and fashion-forward. Up-front, down-home; low-rent, high-maintenance. I'm super-sized, long-lasting, high-definition, fast-acting, oven-ready and built to last. A hands-on, footloose, knee-jerk head case; prematurely post-traumatic, and I have a love child who sends me hate-mail. But I'm feeling, I'm caring, I'm healing, I'm sharing. A supportive, bonding, nurturing primary-care giver. My output is down, but my income is up. I take a short position on the long bond, and my revenue stream has its own cash flow. I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds, I watch trash sports. I'm gender-specific, capital-intensive, user-friendly and lactose-intolerant. I like rough sex; I like tough love. I use the f-word in my e-mail. And the software on my hard drive is hard-core-no soft porn. I bought a microwave at a mini-mall. I bought a mini-van at a mega-store. I eat fast food in the slow lane. I'm toll-free, bite-size, ready-to-wear, and I come in all sizes. A fully equipped, factory-authorized, hospital-tested, clinically proven, scientifically formulated medical miracle. I've been pre-washed, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped and vacuum-packed. And ... I have unlimited broadband capacity. I'm a rude dude, but I'm the real deal. Lean and mean. Cocked, locked and ready to rock; rough, tough and hard to bluff: I take it slow, I go with the flow; I ride with the tide, I've got glide in my stride. Drivin' and movin', sailin' and spinnin'; jivin' and groovin', wailin' and winnin'. I don't snooze, so I don't lose. I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road. I party hearty, and lunchtime is crunch time. I'm hangin' in, there ain't no doubt; and I'm hangin' tough. Over and out.
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Regards,
TB
 
Tower Boss said:
I just watched the PBS Special of the 11th Annual Kennedy Center Mark Twain Prize honoring the late George Carlin last night. It was taped in November of last year and they replayed his "A Modern Man" routine that has quite a few quips in it.

Regards,
TB
Click to expand...

Hi TB!
He was a comic icon & will be deeply missed. Thanks for the tribute.

Klassic,
Rome
 
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