Write a Limerick

[Jody Thornton]

Today TV Nut told me proudly
How life was in Pima County

I swore they had no lawns
All the grass was gone!

Which was strange to this Canadian Mountie!

 

[old_tv_nut]

I do miss the Illinois greenery,
But the desert is also nice scenery,
Except you must practice
Avoidance of cactus.
Those needles are meaner and meanery.

 

[noogies]

I do miss the Illinois greenery,
But the desert is also nice scenery,
Except you must practice
Avoidance of cactus.
Those needles are meaner and meanery.

Good one! Reminds me of my favorite poet, Ogden Nash.

 

[vinowino]

This is one my long deceased father would recite:

A wonderful bird is the pelican,
It's beak can hold more than it's bellycan,
It holds in it's beak
enought food for a week,
But I don't see how thehellitcan.

 

[UncleBingo]

I once was a naughty young farmer
A fightin' and brawlin' barnstarmer
Until I got nackered
And listened to records
Now I've got AudioKarma

 

[old_tv_nut]

There once was a young farmer's daughter
Who always did just what she oughter
Til a salesman came by
And gave her the eye.
Now we have ribald limerick fodder.

 

[CoogarXR]

Lots of mosquitoes at camp they did bit us
My neck feels like it's full of arthritis
My first thought was denial,
then I thought of "West Nile"
Or with my luck it'd be meningitis

 

[old_tv_nut]

There once was an audiophile named Biddle
And with all his gear he would fiddle.
Don't mean to be dissing,
But the things he was missing
Were records with the hole in the middle.

 

[Nightcleaner]

There was a man from Darjeeling
Who went on a tube train to Ealing it said on the door
Please do not spit on the floor
So he carefully spat on the ceiling

 

[old_tv_nut]

Getting up for a five a.m. flight
Is like leaving the previous night.
All that jet-lagging
Just leaves your tail dragging.
I tell you, it just isn't right!

 

[Imprecise]

There was a young lady named Julia
Whose habits were rather peculiar
She would rise at midnight
And to bed at first light
Her schedule’s certain to fool ya

 

[Dave_1962]

If you think you can fool the Grim Reaper
be forewarned he's a very light sleeper
If you plan to sneak by
without raising his eye
then you'd best be one hell of a creeper

 

[Jody Thornton]

It appears that limericks became a snore
I just couldn't think up any more

I feel like a dunce;
It's been more than three months

I let this thread slip to page four.

(Good to be back )

 

[Sandy G]

There was a young man from Saint James,
Who indulged in the JOLLIEST games,
He lighted the Brim of his grandmother's Quim,
And LAUGHED as she P*ssed thru the Flames !

A young lady dining at Crewe,
found an elephant Dong in her Stew...
Said the waiter, "Don't shout, nor wave it About,
The Others may want one, Too !
How many times have I TOLD you Lot to NOT Get Me Started... ?!?

 

[old_tv_nut]

A smart limerick should have a double entendre
That gives your mind two ways to wander.
Does one way seem completely clean?
And the other seem to be obscene?
Just read it any way you wanner.

 

[Jody Thornton]

There once was a little known fable
About an unfortunate soul name Mable.

Her head was a bit wonky,
After she was kicked by a donkey.

Doctors listed her as ... stable

 

[old_tv_nut]

Mable was told by the nurse
"Don't you know donkeys kick in reverse?
Listen, my dear,
Don't walk past its rear.
The next time could even be worse."

 

[DonQuixote99]

Oooooo, that 'next time,' leaving a dreadful ambiguity about what happened 'this' time.....

 

[old_tv_nut]

When a limerick leaves things unsaid
And puts little doubts in your head,
You're not really clear
If it's there or it's here
And your mind can make up things instead.

 

[old_tv_nut]

There once was a woman named Cicely
Who worked on upholstery precisely.
She was doing a chair
When the machine caught her hair
But they say she's recovering nicely.