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Ask a stupid question, get a ridiculous answer

Same as in a Baker's dozen?

"As different as Chalk and Cheese" - have you ever tried to eat chalk?
 
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It depends what you just tried to say.

When all you have is a hammer, why do all your problems start to look like nails?
 
So you can file them (under "P" for "Problems").

Why do bungee jumpers always come back for more?
 
Its part of their elastic personality, always stretching the truth and diving headfirst into problems. Also, they seem to get taller after every encounter.

Wherever you go, there you are. But what if I'm lost?
 
Only if he is pulling himself up on an invisible rope.

Hey Doc, can't you hear my heartbeat?
 
What? speak up, I think you may be having a heart attack!

I have tried everything, talked, spoken and even yelled at the post man, but my voice mail never arrives, what am I to do?
 
Send it by airmail. When you send it by ground, the sound is too low and you can't hear it.

I shivered me timbers. If I put on a coat of Howard's would my timbers be warmer?
 
Only if you're using Golden Oak to reflect the sunlight.

What do you get when you mix a tuba player and a blowhard?
 
If given enough backspin it would bounce backwards, unless you are bouncing it on water.

If you 'bleed' a radiator does it die?
 
Only if you forget to put on a band-aid afterwards.

Is it illegal to put jelly, marmalade and jam on a slice of bread at the same time?
 
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